Domo Arigato, Miss Roboto
by V the Happy Lurker
Summary: When the mysterious MaryAnne shows up as Dib's girlfriend, a certain Irken finds stalking the perfect way to prove one's affection... SLASHZADR! Foul Language! Gratituous Violence! Death! You know you love it
1. You Keep This Love

Seeing how well received Invader Scorned was, I'm giving all you lovelies out there a sequel/continuation thing. Woo! DORK DANCE! Be warned that there is going to be an annoying amount of Dib angst here, if only because I enjoy causing pain. Updates may become sporadic as the classes I'm taking involve tons of reading plus essays... And paint thinner. Lots, and lots of paint thinner.

Recommended soundtrack for this:  
_The Idiots are Taking Over_ (NOFX), _This Love_ (Pantera), _Opiate_ (Tool), either _Deep_ or _Closer_ (NIN), & _Girl's Not Grey _(AFI), .

**Domo Arigato, Miss Roboto**

_Chapter 1: You Keep This Love_

The computer screen gleamed and flickered as Dib scrolled his way through the latest updates on the Swollen Eyeball forum. Most of it was crap on the last known sighting of Fish-boy, who he actually knew as Dirge from him Biology class. The only freakish thing about the guy was the fact that Dirge liked showing off his webbed toes, which looked more like duck feet than anything remotely fish-like. It was stupid things like the whole "Fish-boy" debate that made Dib embarrassed to call himself a paranormalist.

He sighed and leaned back into his chair, wondering if he should debunk the dreaded fishy menace and smash the dreams of some kid obsessed with proving that Fish-boy was _real_. A kid who craved to be recognized, to be praised, and who only wanted to enlighten the world to the danger that only he could see. Then again, Dib was sick of enlightening the world... He was just sick of _everything._ He was sick of saving the world; he was sick of being a (insane) genius; he was sick of debunking; he was sick of this; he was sick of that...

And Dib was especially sick of _people_.

They wouldn't let him be alone anymore. He couldn't escape from all the wanna-bes and haters orbiting him like crazy moons spiraling into a dying planet. The way they would _talk_ was driving Dib's already straining sanity to it's very breaking point. They wouldn't let a single detail of his life slip by without comment, no matter how trivial it was. They pecked his life apart with all the precision of starving vultures. The kind of food he ate, the clothes he wore, his favorite color, what TV shows he watched, even whether he wore underwear or not was the subject of intense debate among both Dib's fans and his classmates. Yet the all-time favorite topic they talked about was Dib's love life. Or rather, the seeming _lack_ of one.

It was painfully obvious to everyone that Dib, renown paranormalist/surgeon/superhero/rock star1, was single. And, despite the amorous efforts of the fan-girls, it looked as though he was perfectly content to remain single. Or maybe...

Dib wasn't deaf. He heard each barely whispered rumor that followed him down the halls. And saw the way _they_'d stare at him. And he also knew Torque and Chunk would beat the living shit out of him if they didn't know he could snap their spines with a flick of a finger. All because _people_ assumed that if a sixteen year-old boy wasn't happy with beautiful women constantly flinging themselves at him, something _queer_ was going on. The more observant ones remembered the way he use to stare at Zim all the time, ignoring the fact that he and the alien hated each. Instead, they'd notice something odd about the way Dib kept ignoring the little weirdo for years and the way Zim nearly humped him in half after that stupid hamster rampage. The **_really_** bright ones added it all together and, within a span of twelve minutes, the entire High Skool had come to the conclusion that Dib Membrane was one serious closet case.

The sickening part was, for once in their collectively stupid lives, Dib's classmates were right.

"Nearly five fucking years!" he snarled aloud. "Spend five fucking years screaming your head off and pointing out the alien sitting right in the front of the classroom, they call you crazy. Let a rumor start about you being gay and they're willing believe _anything_!

Dib slammed a hand against his armrest. "Just once, I'd like to go to the mall and not be hounded by fan-boys. Or marriage proposals! Would it kill them to leave me alone for once? Is it too much for me to ask for some privacy?!" The chair skittered backwards as he got up to pace and rant. "It's not fucking fair! I've bent over backwards for those morons! I've been wasting the best years of my life saving their sorry pork-butts long before they even knew it! I gave up any chance at a personal life so the Earth would be safe! And what does it get me? A world full of **IDIOTS**!!! I'm surrounded by **MORONS**! And I starting to feel a lot like Charlton Heston! Stranded on a primate planet!"

"Quit whining!" Gaz roared from her bedroom. "And stop bleating punk."

Dib's mood deflated from flaming anger to moody angst. He may have the fame, the money, and the fans, but he still never got any respect from his family. In Gaz's opinion, he'd gotten even more annoying as time passed. But at least she didn't pester him about the rumors. If his dad ever found out...

He slumped back into his chair. It was going to be impossible to explain this to the professor with his old-fashioned and frankly Puritanical ideas about intimate relations. Dib had already prepared himself for the worst. Stashed near the front door was a rather extensive list of hotels and fast-food places stuffed into a duffel bag of clothes, readied for a quick flight. And that was just if he told his dad about the gay thing. He didn't want to think of what would happen if he brought up those _other_ inclinations. Dib shuddered, thinking about the dream that haunted him lately.

It was the same way every night. Always, he'd found himself in a cold autopsy room under the dim flicker of fluorescent bulbs, surrounded by a claustrophobic arrangement of trays, cabinets, and equipment. As Dib wheeled in a body-laden gurney, the tang of industrial cleaner and old blood that hung in the air assailed his senses, a lingering taste long after he woke up.

Just as he had done in every time before, Dib went through the exacting sacrament of un-strapping the arms, then the legs, and finally the torso. When he slid the body over onto the examining table, he'd re-strap it down in precision ritual. Not that there was any need for restraints on the body yet, because green skinned frame had a narcotic limpness as he adjusted a buckle.

Though those eyes had no pupils, there was a sedate and expressively empty red under the drooping eyelids as Dib stared down at his victim's face. His hands traced tender patterns over the reptilian skin that quivered and tensed under the touch of a latex glove. Always nearby was a steel tray which held an assortment of glinting sharp instruments laid out on a plain cloth. Picking a scalpel, he leaned over the table and began to press it into the flesh...

Snapping back to reality, Dib jerked his hand off his crotch and started pacing again as he tried to clear those blood-stained _visions_ out of his head. He knew it was sick just wanting that, even if it was Zim. But Dib couldn't help himself anymore. He had to admit that this fixation with the alien had always been a little extreme, but now it was becoming so bad that Dib saw Zim everywhere he went. Windows he passed by had half-seen red eyes. A faint blur of green seen in a crowded hallway. Some nights he wake from a dream so vivid that he'd have sworn it was real... Things had reached the point where Dib was genuinely beginning to wonder if he was crazy. After all, what sane person would obsess over a monster that wanted to kill them?

"I must stop thinking like this!" Dib snarled quietly to himself. "It's not healthy! It's not _normal_!" He paused. "Then again, I'm not even sure what normal _is_ anymore. There's just too much freaky shit going on in my life. With all those tabloid jerks hanging around, I can't get enough time alone to deal with this crap. But if I don't something about it soon, I'm going to end up the John Wayne Gacy2 of SCIENCE! And I don't even like SCIENCE!"

Waltzing out of his room, Dib wracked his brain for a solution. "It must be all this exposure to weirdness that's causing these..._desires_. This may also be the root behind my mistaken belief about being a homosexual as well. Therefore, if I want to stop these feelings, I have find something- no! _someone_- normal and sane to counteract the freakish influence. But I wouldn't want anyone to have to live my life! Besides, what if I'm wrong? What if I really am a gay sadomasochistic xenophile with extremely homicidal medical fetish?" He plopped down on the couch. "It would be unethical to put a girl through this sort of experiment! Yet I have to know the truth! There has to be some way to test this without hurting anyone..."

Did idly flicked the TV on and, deep in morbid brooding, surfed through the channels. He stopped on a random midnight movie of the week. For some bizarre reason, the feature flick happened to be The Rocky Horror Picture Show.3 Even more bizarre was the fact that he just happened to click on it right at the scene where the demented Dr. Frank-n-faurter was addressing his "unconventional conventionist" about his .

"... you are about to witness a new breakthrough in biochemical research... and paradise is to be mine! basks in the applause It was strange the way it happened... suddenly, you get a break... snaps his rubber glove All of the pieces seem to fit into place. It took an accident to make it happen. AN ACCIDENT! And that is how I discovered the secret. That elusive ingredient, that... _spark_ that is the breath of life... Yes. I have that knowledge! I hold the key to life... ITSELF! You see, you are fortunate for tonight is the night that my beautiful creature is destined to be BORN!"

Suddenly, inspiration struck Dib with the mighty force of a wet-towel to the ass in the locker room of Fate.

"That's it..." Dib stood up, body surging with brilliant vigor. "Oh, what a fool I am! Has my disgust with my father's conformist _SCIENCE_ left me so blind to the very fact that the key to my salvation has been at hand all along?! But now I see the solution! My eyes are open and the power lay at my fingertips!" His face darkened as he smiled manically. "Let them all enjoy there pathetic rumor mongering for now... By morning, they shall all see the new Dib! The Dib that should have been! And the last laugh shall be MINE!!!!!!!"

"Dib!" Came the snarl from upstairs. "If you don't stop being such a drama-queen, I'm going to rip out you lungs!"

Too elated to care about his sisters threats, Dib bolted down to his father's lab to begin working on what maybe his only chance at having a normal, Zim-free life.

* * *

1 See Invader Scorned! Or ask the Blorch...

2 Yesh! My version of Dib is one sick little puppy...

3 Just when you thought you've escape V sneaking in a RHPS reference...


	2. The Trouble With A Green Moron

Sure, I could bask in my writer's block and work on some vital essays. But no! I must give you all the next lover-ly chapter of Domo.. because sniff! I love you. Not _love you_, but love you.  
  
Suggested listening:  
_She Blinded Me With Science_ (Thomas Dolby), _Obsession_ (Animotion), _Get It On (Bang a Gong)_ (The Power Station)

_**Chapter 2:** The Trouble With a Green Moron  
_

Something was _wrong_. Gaz didn't know what yet, but in the very depths of her blackened soul she sensed a great disturbance in the world. This **_wrongness_** had nagged her all through the skool-day, distracting her from the important task of discovering a faster way to kill Boss Pork-butt in "Silver-star Spackled Chimp Commandoes XII: The Dork Chronicles." During her lunchtime brooding, Gaz came to the conclusion that her incessant foreboding must be caused by one thing: Dib.

That morning had seemed normal enough, despite her brother's little fag fit the night before. Not that she gave a rat's ass, but Dib's obsessive need to conform with the brain-dead public's idea of normality grated on her nerves. Gaz firmly believed that if he'd be honest with himself, embrace the weirdness within, and stop whining then Dib could finally have his precious peace of mind. Or, at the very least, _she'd_ get a little quiet. But those stupid masochistic tendencies must've kicked in, leaving Gaz to eat breakfast alone and go to Skool alone while her brother hid down in the lab. It was spooky how much Dib acted like their dad these days...

It was only as she walked up the ultra-glossy Hi-Skool steps that Gaz first noticed the **_wrongness_**. Usually, Dib would've caught up to her by then and launched into one of his insane world-saving rants or start telling her about his new plan to capture Zim so he could "study" the alien. But today, there was no sign of Dib or his annoying head. She had shrugged it off, thinking that her irritating sibling had decided to skip class once again to go stalk Zim until she walked up on the little green moron as he engaged Dib's locker in an intense staring contest. As she started to walk past, Zim broke off with his steely-faced opponent.

"Gaz-monster!" came the imperious snap. "Where is the Dib?"

She only growled at the idiot E.T. and dug her locker about for books.

"Where's Dib?" he repeated with a angry hiss. When he got only another, deadlier growl in reply, Zim grabbed hold of Gaz's shoulders and started shaking her as he shouted, "Where's Dib?! Where's Dib?! _Where's Dib_?!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Are you _touching _me?" Extremely annoyed, Gaz wrapped her hands around the alien's wrists, then proceeded to slam his body against the lockers a few times. Dropping Zim onto his back, she hopped up and did a rapid stomping jig in the center of his squishy belly.

Despite a ruptured squiddly-splooch and various other organs still unaccounted for, Zim still managed to ask in a bruised voice. "Where's...Dib...?"

"Dunno." Then, needing to purge a little more violence, she kicked the alien squarely in crotch before walking off to class.

That incident with Zim only served to further aggravated the **_wrongness_**. The alien may have been parsecs away from both sanity and intelligence, but after Gaz locked him in an industrial-powered washer for a weekend for using her as an umbrella years ago, Zim had been careful not to even breathe on her. So what could've possibly caused him to forget the consequences of invoking her wrath? And why did Zim want Dib so badly? a/n: Dirty minds, anyone?

All through Ms. Lane's morning English lecture, Gaz could only think about the **_wrongness_**. Even the allure of a bit of the ultra-violence on her GameSlave 2 couldn't get her mind off of the strange sensation there was a cosmic mutiny of all that was RIGHT nearby.****By the time the lunch bell rang, Dib was still missing and the **_wrongness_** Gaz sensed had crested like some hideous psychic pimple to a head of cerebral pus in her mind. Then the realization struck her.

Dib had been acting even stranger than "normal" since the business with Mega-Ultra-Peepi. Especially after _Super Scientist Weekly_ put out a special edition issue with exclusive photos of Zim dry-humping the stunned paranormalist in the cockpit of Gundam PHALLIC. The moment he saw those, Dib went into a Super-_ANGST_ Overdrive and made living with him even more unbearable for Gaz than when her brother had just been some super-hyped hero.

But, despite knowing _who_ was causing the **_wrongness_**, Gaz still needed to know _what_ her stupid genius brother had done to throw off the delicate balance of this moronic cosmos in such a hideously abrupt manner. With a little persuasion (a/n: torture), Gaz could easily get the answers she wanted. Unfortunately, in order to persuade Dib to talk, he had to be present and she didn't know where his big fat head had disappeared to.

Lazily, she glared around the teeming cafeteria. The popular kids lounged coolly around their tables next to the salad bar. Nearby was the wanna-be section, a morass of fawning ambition and disguised hatred that the sheer nausea forced Gaz to look away. Still queasy, her wrathful gaze fell on the average kid table in the hope that Dib, with all his normality seeking, would be hiding there. But all she found was a mass of frightened sheep faces. Disgusted, she turned her baleful eye to the tables next to her: The Reject section. The one thing she respected her stupid brother for was that, despite the fame and the money and the denials, Dib never truly left the freak'n'geek sector.

Noticing Gaz was looking over at them, the reject kids stared back in surprise. When it had sunk in that she wasn't going to mutilate them, Gretchen smiled, showing off the latest advances in orthodontic metalwork, and Keefe waved merrily at the devil girl.

Growling at the desperate cheerfulness, Gaz looked past their table to the nastiest, most avoided corner section of the cafeteria. Sitting amid a congealing pile of last year's Tuna Surprise and the latest carnage from the war between the cafeteria metropolis of gutter rats and the invading cockroach colony from Room 311, Zim stared at the people he wanted to destroy. Regardless of Dib's televised explanation that the alien's bug-eyes, green skin, and antenna were just symptoms of some unnamed disease, Zim kept wearing his miserably bad disguise. Gaz wondered whether he persisted out of habit or because the alien was too stupid to capitalize on a convenient excuse. From what she knew of Zim, Gaz favored the later. But, moron or not, he was the best..._being_ to grill for answers.

As she walked past the reject table, Matthew P. Matters III shrieked in terror and bolted for safety. The others, excluding Keefe, flinched back instinctively. Even Dirge looked uneasy when Gaz drifted by. Not caring, she moved on to Zim's corner. Her shadow fell ominously over the crusty table and oozing mass of untouched food before the alien.

"Okay, Zim," she growled. "Where's Dib?"

The alien didn't seem to notice the question and continued his staring.

Too bothered by the relentless need to fix the **_wrongness_** to rip off _Kill Bill_ again, Gaz grabbed a smoldering rat carcass and slapped Zim in the face with it.

Frantically clawing away the roasted rodent, Zim turned to Gaz and suddenly put on a cocky smile. "Ah, Gaz. I see you finally decided to cooperate and give me to location of your smelly sibling."

"Actually, I want to you to answer some questions."

"Fool monkey-girl! It is Zim who asks the questions here!"

Grabbing him by the collar, Gaz dragged Zim across the table. "Look, dumbass, we can do this one of two ways. Either you give me some freakin' answers or I take you back to the kitchen and grind you into tomorrow Mystery Meat Casserole. Now, what's it going to be Zim? Mystery Meat or answers?"

Sweat beaded across Zim's brow as he mulled it over, torn between an Invader's pride and the desire for self-preservation. After several tense seconds of high drama, Zim sighed. "Very well, Gaz-monster. I'll answer you pathetic questions, but only because I see that you are too dumb use any knowledge so gained to be a threat to the mission."

"Fine." She let go of Zim, landing him face-first in a heap of tuna stuff. "First question: What the hell happened between you and Dib last year? You know, after he kicked your ass and all."

"Tak."

"Tak?" Gaz repeated, vaguely recalling the other, slightly less stupid alien. "What's she got to do with Dib getting a skeletal arm?"

"Oh, stupid human, do you not understand?" gloated Zim. "It was Tak who ambushed the Dib and then ripped his arm off before she gave him a Texas Omelet."

"You mean 'Texas Funereal'."

"Whatever. Anyway, gorged on her treachery, Tak attempted to take over my base. But she never counted on the BRILLANCE of Zim! I easily subdued her and locked her into an agony booth which I, The Mighty Zim!, jettisoned into deep space."

"But why?"

Zim blinked in confusion. "Eh?"

"Why did Tak want to kill my brother? And why blast her into space? I thought you wanted to Dib dead."

"Of course I want the Dib to die! But only I get to kill him! Because he is mine, do you hear me? MINE!" Leaping onto the table, Zim screamed, "NO ONE ELSE SHALL TOUCH THE DIB! HE BELONGS TO ZIM!!!"

Silence fell over the cafeteria as everyone stopped to stare at the insanely possessive weirdo.

Gaz opened one eyes and arched a brow. "Right... Next question: Are you gay Zim?"

The on-looking crowd listened eagerly for Zim's response.

Again, he gave her a puzzled look. "Do I look happy to you?"

"Not gay-happy. Gay-_queer_, Zim." Seeing that he wasn't getting it, Gaz sighed. "Look, are you a homosexual or not?"

"What's that got to do with Dib?!" he shrieked angrily, stomping a foot.

"Just answer the question, Zim, or else..." She made a meat grinder motion.

Shaking with rage, Zim jumped off the table and, turning his non-existent nose up at Gaz, started to march out of the cafeteria.

"One last question, Zim:" Gaz snapped at his retreating back. "Are you even a guy? Or are you just really butch for a girl alien?"

Stopping mid-march, Zim whirled around and got right up into Gaz's face, hissing like a crazed swarm of locust.

"For the last time: I am male. **_MALE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_**"

Zim's screeching assertion of his masculinity reverberated off the cafeteria walls, shattering every piece of glass within 5 miles. So powerful was the acoustic force that tables and students went flying through the air. Fissures appeared in the concrete walls and the tile floor cracked around his feet.

Gaz caught the brunt of the audio blast. She was flung backwards into the wall and dropped into a mass of moldering Tuna Surprise and mutilated vermin guts.

When Zim finally stopped, panting, he looked around at the mayhem he had caused. Regaining his composure, Zim put his hands behind his back and causally walked out of the cafeteria.

Crawling out of the vile heap she landed in, Gaz glared after Zim, already plotting out her campaign of vengeance against the alien.

_Later on..._

The last bell rang out shrilly in the muggy afternoon air, releasing a mass of teenagers from their mandatory state-sanctioned learning. Always the last to leave and thereby avoid any bothersome socializing, Gaz waited at the bottom of the Hi-Skool stairs and scanned chattering teens as they went past. As the crowds thinned to a mere trickle of humanity, a sickeningly cute red-head in pig-tails and her boyfriend walked by. Gaz started to growl in disgust, but it came out a gurgle when she saw _who_ the boyfriend was.

"Dib?!" she gasped, staring wide-eyed at him.

"Oh, hi Gaz! I didn't even see you there." beamed her brother. He turned to his girlfriend. "Mary-Anne, this is my little sister Gaz."

"So you're Gaz? I've heard so much about you!" twinkled Mary-Anne, bobbing up on her toes and cocking her head like a cheerleader.

The **_wrongness _**had so overcome her that all Gaz could manage was funny sort of croak.

Dib, taking his sister expression for pleasant surprise, started talking again. "Sorry about not walking to skool with you, but Mary-Anne just moved here so I offered to help her around skool today. And, since she still doesn't know her way around the city yet, I'm going to walk her home. Oh, don't worry about saving me dinner. I'm taking Mary-Anne out to eat. Well, gotta run Gaz.... Later!"

"Bye, Gaz. It was nice to meet you." Mary-Anne cooed.

As she and Dib happily skipped off, Gaz could only stand drenched in the pus of **_wrongness_**.


	3. My Beautiful Bird Has Flown Away

Holy shit! I finally crapped out the third chapter. Get it while it's still warm and steamy!

_**Chapter 3: My Beautiful Bird Has Flown Away...**_

Zim marched at a quick clip down the winding hallways, glancing frantically about for a speedy exit. To the casual observer, it would appear that Zim was fleeing the scene of his acoustic outburst, but he would _never_ be so cowardly. After all, an Invader **_never_** fled from the enemy. But they did make the occasional well-planned tactical retreat.

Cursing the building's labyrinthine design and lack of escape pods, Zim found himself at the grim steel doors of the Skool Library. He paused his retreating and stood staring at the doors for a moment. From his AMAZING research into Earthenoid institutions, Zim knew that not only could one find any information known in the Universe at a library, but also that weirdo-bashing jocks were so deathly allergic to the merest presence of books that they _never_ went in here. Thus, confident of sanctuary and a fast means to get the coordinates to the nearest exit, Zim stepped boldly through the doors.

Instead of a regular lobby, Zim found himself standing in the middle of what looked like an airlock. As he glanced around in confusion, he noticed that above the inner hatch doors was a monitor bearing a smiley face graphic underneath a scrolling text.

"Please wait while we prep for disinfection, delousing, and personal fumigation," the message ran.

"Disinfection?" Zim muttered, cocking a non-existent eyebrow. "How DARE you imply that Zim has **_GERMS_**! I—"

Before he got the chance to scream threats at the smiley, the touchy alien was buried under a masse of cleansing foam. But maybe that was for the best since it prevented Zim from seeing the scrubbing brushes and the mandatory enema tubes descend out of the ceiling.

After several minutes of scrubbing and screaming, the hatch finally pops open and Zim stumbles into the Library, feeling dirty despite his germ-free freshness. Recovering quickly from the massive violation he just underwent, our intrepid mock-Invader marches up to the circulation desk towering between the dual archways leading into the stacks. Several minutes pass before the librarian notices him standing there.

"Welcome to the Library. How may I help you?" she asks, turning from her web-surfing to look down at the strange little guy. She blinks, then quips, "Hey, aren't you that alien that was on MM last year? The one that got his ass kicked by Dib?"

"SILENCE BOOK-DRONE!" Zim spat, then realizing the she was staring at him, added, "Eh, I mean- No! I'm not an alien! It's just a skin-condition... You must be thinking of some other guy. I'm completely normal."

"Sure you are..." she mutters, giving Zim the 'I know you're lying your ass off but I'll play along for now because I'm working' look. "So, what do you want?"

"I have a MIGHTY need to find an exit out of this infernal Skool building. Now, direct to the closest one at once!"

"Why?"

Zim gritted his teeth. "Listen here..." He squinted at her nametag. "...V--. I am a member of the military elite whereas you are a mere desk-working drudge beast. That means you give me whatever information I request without question. I order you to take me the nearest exit this instant!"

Annoyed, V-- leans in closer. "Oh, I'm so sorry _sir_! The exit is to the left, just past the last set of shelves in the stacks." She gestures toward an archway.

"Finally!" Zim stomps away from the desk, failing to see the vindictive grin. As he walks through the narrow, poorly lit aisle, Zim soon loses track of his position. He turns to backtrack only to discover that his way is now blocked by a colossal shelving unit. Surprised, he starts to head forward but finds another shelf of books blocking his path. Growling in frustration, Zim bolts down the stacks erratically as he tries to find the exit. As the shelves begin to thin out, a oval of light appears and Zim, believing that he has thwarted the librarian, marches smugly back to the circulation desk.

"Huh?!" Confused, Zim ran back through the stacks over and over and over again, but still he keeps ending up at the circulation desk. After about the nineteenth time, the alien falls to his knees and begins screaming dramatically, "HOW CAN THIS BE?! HOW CAN THIS BE?! HOW CAN THIS-- thump! ouch..."

"This is a library, you know." V-- mutters smugly, lifting the massive encyclopedia she'd dropped onto Zim off and reshelving it. "Now, are you ready to play nice?"

Growling, Zim painfully getting to his feet and succeeds in staring threateningly down at the 5'9" librarian. For some, having a very pissed off looking green-man glaring homicidally at them would be at least a little worried, but the only reaction Zim got from the dreadful little women was a nasty grin. He started to say something, then a thought struck him. If this library monster seemed to have the ability deceive his remarkable sense direction and enforce the will of the library with one well-place book, then it may have even more terrible powers. And engaging it in its home territory would surely be a foolish and deadly mistake. Which was way Zim took a very wary step back, and, smiling the careful smile of someone with a man-eating tiger while chanting 'nice kitty...', attempted to be _nice_.

"Would you, erm..._please_ direct me to the exit from this HELLISH-eh, I mean, '_instructive_' establishment?"

"Oh sure! It's right over there." Still wearing that evil grin, V-- pointed toward to the doors to the immediate right of the circulation desk. A gigantic sign with 'EXIT' written in foot-tall, glowing red letters hung very noticeably over them in such a way that any idiot would see it as they walked in.

"..." Zim glared death at the sign, then noticing that the library monster was still there. "_Thank you very much_," came the agonized words that squeezed out of the alien's mouth as he made his way quickly toward the doors.

"Welcome. Have a nice day." V-- cooed cheerfully after him, smirking evilly as she added in a whisper, "You Irken jackass."

Whirling around to deny that accusation, Zim found himself facing the solid brick of the High Skool's outer wall. He blinked at it in bafflement for a second.

"Clever, V-- ." he sneered contemptuously, glaring at where the exit doors should've been. "_Very_ clever indeed. You may have thwarted me this time, but know that I shall have my vengeance upon your desk-jockeying jell-o butt! So bask triumphant in your papery lair for now, evil book fiend! For one day, one day very, very, very soon, Zim shall return to your ink-stench hovel and wreak havoc upon your lard-filled carcass! I will rain flaming ANNIHILATION upon you and your precious library! With Napalm! Yessss.... NAPALM!! Do you hear that?! Burning painful death! BURNING PAINFUL--"

"Um, pardon me but why are you screaming at that wall?"

Zim snapped around to face this fool monkey. "Oh-ho-ho! I'm...I'm....eh..."

His reply fizzled out when he got a good look at the **_girl_**. For that was indeed what was now looking quizzically at the failed Invader. And even to Zim's defective alien brain she registered all the ideal qualities of femaleness. The saccharinely cute red pigtails, the excessively huge brown doe-eyes, the tiny little pink mouth pursed into the slightest of frowns, and a body that supermodels' would kill to have. In her extremely tasteful little sailor-skirt uniform, she was the incarnation of the **_girl_**. That mythical creature Zim had only seen in those sickeningly melodramatic Japanese cartoons G.I.R. and Skoodge had become obsessed with. And it made Zim think of...

"_Tentacles_..."

The **_girl_** cocked her head at a cutesy angle. "Huh?"

"The TENTACLES!" shrieked Zim in horror as he grabbed hold of the **_girl_**'s blouse. "Those oozing, dripping, pulsating _tentacles!_ Writhing and poking around... trying to get into the orifices... not _my_ orifices... No, never-never again!"

"You're funny." she giggled, oblivious to his fear. "My name's Mary-Anne Duesexmachina. What's yours?"

Before he could snap out of his tentacle trauma to answer, a familiar big-headed figure came dashing around the corner.

"There you, Mary-Anne! Listen, I talked with Principal Garrison and..." Dib stop short when he saw Zim practically hanging off _his_ girl's boobs. His voice held a quietly murderous note to it as he asked, "What the hell are _you_ doing here, _Zim_?"

"Huh?!" Letting go quickly, Zim grimaced in disgust when he realized what he had been clinging to. Making several sicky noises, the alien turned to face his favorite enemy. "None of you're business, worm baby! So,--as you scum monkeys so fondly put it-- Fuck off!"

"It is my business because Mary-Anne happens to by my girlfriend!"

"Girlfriend? HA!" Zim spits out the word with nasty laugh. "What sane creature would want your stink? That evil bitch Tak was only interested in you so she could get revenge on me! And that Gretchen girl's just too stupid to realize she's so unworthy of your attention. They're all _unworthy_..."

"And just who is _worthy_ of me, _Zim_?" hissed Dib, locking with his unearthly nemesis in a tense stare down. In the hypercharged atmosphere, everything else dropped away into the spiraling black void to leave the pair alone in a whirlpool of passionate hatred and unresolved tensions.

"Surely you would have realized it by now, _Dib_." Zim sneered, sliding closer to the boy with every word. "None of these blind fools are worthy of you. They mocked you're brilliant perceptive powers, laughing and pointing with their meaty fingers of meat. And even now, after you succeed in proving the Rightness of nearly all your theories and become the grand hero of this pathetic Earth!, they still secretly ridicule your greatness. Contempt brews on in their wretched, stinking organs filled with the vile juices of stupidity. No human has ever been capable of full appreciating the enormity of your big-headedness. And you _know it, **Dib**_. You've always known."

Barely millimeters separated Zim from his rival. "There's only one being that is capable of realizing the power you possess. Only one who recognized your skills and matched them with an AMAZING prowess of his own. Only one single, solitary being was _ever _considered worthy enough of you that you spent every waking moment studying, planning, plotting, _obsessing_ over every detail of his existence!" Now they were practically touching. "And though he wants to eradicate you down the your very last cell, he's the only one who deserves you utter devotion!"

"You're right, _Zim_..." The manic grin slithered its way across Dib's mouth. "I suppose he'll be happy as hell when I strap him onto the autopsy table and rend his filthy alien carcass apart!"

Deploying the razor-claws his cyborg-hand, Dib reared back to inflict a slashy coup d'etat on Zim. Just as the fatal blow was about to land, Mary-Anne grabbed the back of Dib's trench coat and started to pull him away.

"It was nice to met you, Zim," cooed Mary-Anne sweetly, dragging Dib across the sidewalk. "But we've gotta run. Dibby dear promised to show me around the skool today."

"I did?"

"Yes, Dib... You **did**." At that, she yanked Dib back toward the safety of sanity.

Zim was left standing alone by the wall. He stared after the 'happy' couple, feeling oscillating waves of colossal rage and violent cravings. It wasn't supposed to happen like that. Dib was suppose to make a futile attempt to kill Zim, but then he'd dodge and retaliate with an attack of his own, and the traditional battle between the Invader and the Human would begin. That **_girl_** had no right to interrupt them with her infernal girliness. No right to drag the Dib off before they could continue their game... This 'Mary-Anne' didn't belong here with her unnatural perfection that went against nature. And Dib definitely didn't _belong_ to **_her_** as she so foolishly presumed...

Reaching into his PAK, Zim extracted a high-tech dart gun and leveled it the retreating backs of Dib and his **_girl_**. Slowly, he took aim, pulling the trigger back with an expression of malicious glee.

"Ouch!"

By the time Dib turned to confront the crazy little menace, Zim had clambered over the razor-wire topped fence and fled down the street.

----

a/n: Possible upgrade to a R-rating in future chapters.


	4. Of Matchstick Man And You

This portion of Domo brought to you by the randomness of Haysi Fantazyee' "Shiny, Shiny", homicidal depression, and The Letter M. Because he loves you. He loves you all.

Suggested Listening:

_Every Breath (_The Police_), Obsession (_Animotion_), Pictures of Matchstick Man (_Camper Von Beethoven_) , I Want Candy (_Bow-wow-wow

_**Chapter 4:** Of Matchstick Man and You_

"...and so sirs, by harnessing the destructive force of LOVE, we'll soon be wrecking sugary sweet pastel-colored death the humans!" Skoodge finished, saluting smartly and conking himself in the forehead with the heart-capped wand he was holding.

"That...eh, that sounds great! Good work, soldier." Red mumbled absently, knowing that he would forever be haunted by the image of Skoodge's fatness decked out in one seriously girly sailor uniform. The only thing that was worse than seeing peaches-n-cream colored spandex packed full of lard was the disturbingly ecstatic reaction his co-ruler had for the washed-up Invader's plan.

"Do it again! Do it again!" cheered Purple manically. "Especially the sparkly part! I love the sparkly part!"

Saluting smartly and smacking himself in the head, Skoodge reverted to his regular uniform. "I'd be happy to, sirs."

Red groaned in despair as Purple squeaked with delight. There were some half-suppressed snickers from the communications techs surrounding them.

Readying his wand again, Skoodge began the complicated gymnastic/pyrotechnic display leading to his ultimate glitter spattered Magic-Girl transformation into Sailor Scout Skoodge! But, just as he reached a very tricky part involving leaping into the air amid showers of rose-petals and some serious baton-twirling, the elevator hissed open and Zim stormed into the lab.

"Skoodge! What the hell are you doing?!"

Concentration broken, the poor tubby one went plummeting to the floor in a rain of burning flowers and ash.

Growling, Zim loomed like the specter of DOOM over Skoodge. "Why are slacking off? We have a planet to conquer! There's no time for pussying around with sparkles!"

"But...but sir..." Futilely, Skoodge pointed to the monitor, but Zim was too far gone in his angst rage to care.

"DO NOT QUESTION ZIM!!! I am your SUPERIOR! Now take your flabby ass out of here and get back to WORK!!!!!!!!!!!"

Browbeaten and understandably frightened by the shift into Mega-Butch boss, Skoodge bolted off to find something to work on.

"Wow, Zim..." Blinked Red in amazement at the defect. "With that kind of attitude, you could've made Junior Assistant Fry-lord-- That is, if you hadn't been a MORON and quit being banished!"

"Yah! You moron!" Purple barked between mouthfuls of nachos.

As his rulers laughed their laughter of derision, Zim turned his _wrath_ upon them.

"Are you laughing at me?" He hissed, going Paccino-style postal and stalked toward the monitor. "Are _you_ laughing at _me_? I don't see anyone else around here, so you must be laughing at me. " There was a gleam of homicidal rage in his eyes as he leaned in closer. "Am I funny? Do you find my actions _amusing_? Do I look like some happy smiley little smorkle-flange dancing for your amusement?"

Red looked thoughtfully at Zim. "Well, let me think... Yes. Yes we do."

This prompted another round of derisive laughter to prelude a burst of ultra-suppressed outrage that had been on a long, slow simmer ever since Zim was smeeted...

"I'VE FUCKING HAD WITH YOU'RE CONDESCENDING BULL-SHIT! FOR OVER EIGHT G-D DAMN YEARS I HAVE BEEN PUTTING UP WITH THESE DIGUSTING HUMAN MUTHERFUCKERS FOR THE GLORY OF THE FUCKING EMPIRE! I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS SHIT! NOW WHEN ARE YOU FAIRY BOIS GOING TO STOP FUCKING WITH ME AND GIVE ME ENOUGH AMMO TO BLAST THIS FLITHY SHIT CANKER PLANET ON THE ASSHOLE OF THE COSMOS TO HELL SO I CAN GET ON WITH MY **LIFE**?!!!!"

(a/n: Well, there goes the PG-13 rating...)

Deathly silence rang like the bells of DOOM over the main bridge of the Massive. The Tallests gawked dumbly at the frothing mad Irken glaring out at them.

Red was the first to speak, driven by the sudden jolt of alpha-maleness.

"Reality check, Zim: we sent you to Earth because you are A COMPLETE AND TOTAL FUCK-UP!!! The only success you've ever had in life is in the sheer amount of destructive stupidity you posses! Every time you've been allowed to do anything more dangerous than removing the greasy shit-gob from the employee's toilet in the back, you've succeeded in annihilating everything but the objective target!"

Popping out from nowhere, an Adviser hurried whispered in Red's ear.

"I stand corrected. You even fucked-up unclogging a toilet." The Adviser whispered some more. "In fact, it seems that you're the reason Foodcourtia suffered a planet-wide deluge of 3,000-years worth of rotting sewage."

Still glaring death, Zim sneered. "So fucking what? It's not like anyone really noticed the difference in the smell...or the taste for that matter..."

"Okay, I'll give you that. But what about the GIGANTIC ELDRITCH SHIT-DEMON that nearly destroyed the largest fast-food production center in the Empire?!"

Zim grinned nastily. "Oh! I didn't realize Sizz-lor took a lunch break that day."

Horrified by this display of contempt, Red snarled back. "How _dare_ you mock you're former Fry-lord Master! That's _TREASON_, Zim!"

"Treason? You want **_treason_**? I'll give you **_TREASON_**!" Without hesitation, Zim made the gesture of Ultimate Disrespect at the Tallests.

There were screams of utter terror across the bridge as the techs and lesser Irkens reeled in shock at this absolute deed of defiance against their demi-godlike rulers. Some fainted dead away and were trampled beneath the fleeing feet of others.

Red was stunned for a moment by the Ultimate Disrespect, then those nasty alpha-male hormones kicked in again.

"YOU'RE GOING DOWN, FUCKER!"

Guards swarmed over him as they and Purple tried to hold Red back from shredding the bridge apart to get at Zim.

"Who's laughing now, bitch? Who's laughing now?!"

Laughing the cackle of a crazed psycho, Zim terminated the transmission. Turning around, he noticed G.I.R. standing there with an utterly disturbed expression upon its robot face.

"Heh-heh..." Coughing nervously, Zim straightened up and tried to look as paternal as possible. "I'm sorry you had to see that, G.I.R. I didn't want you to see the bad side of me. But those bastards had it coming. You do understand, G.I.R.?"

The robot kept staring at him in that shell-shocked way.

"You... you do understand?"

G.I.R. looked up at its master's pensive face. Slowly, it took a deep breath and said: "MAKE THOSE TENTACLE THINGIES IN YOUR MOUTH WIGGLE AGAIN!"

Sensing the outbreak of another G.I.R. induced migraine, Zim sighed heavily and plopped into a chair. For something so '_advanced_', his robot slave seemed to act more and more like it was just really stupid. Or crazy. He could never decide which.

Losing interest in it's master gloominess, G.I.R. slipped into his doggie suit and then beamed at the wall. "I'm gonna get some Ice-Cream!!"

Out of the blue, an idea struck Zim with a force mighty enough to propel him half-way across the room in a burst of inspiration. Still reeling from the **_inspiration_**, he ran over to his robot and scooped it up in his arms. "G.I.R., you're a GENIUS!"

"I am?"

"Yes!" Dropping the robot, Zim rushed to the disguise storage chamber and began digging around fanatically. Between his slightly crazed muttering and more than a few words to make a Planet-Jacker blush, the mighty Irken menace assembled the necessary pieces for the latest of his BRILLIANT disguises. With a victory whoop, he reemerged done up like an angst-ridden '80s singer.

"MORRISSEY!!!!!!"

"No, G.I.R.. It is me." He checked himself out in a handy mirror. "Am I not the most AMAZING Invader ever?"

G.I.R. pondered this a moment. "Nooo..."

Shooting the robot a foul look, he quick marched over to the work-bench and grabbed up a small handheld device vaguely resembling a GameSlave2. Zim clicked it on, grinning madly as he watched a little blip go wandering across a map of the city. "Perfect."

G.I.R. started hopping from foot to foot. "Are we gonna go for the Ice-Cream now, Master? I needs the Ice-Cream in all it's icy creamy goodness! I needs it so badly! If I don't get some soon, I explode again!"

"Very well, G.I.R.. We shall go get your 'ice-cream'."

Cheering happily, G.I.R. bounded into the elevator with Zim, oblivious to the soft evil cackling coming from its master.

-------

_The City Park, Late afternoon..._

Dib sighed contentedly as he snuggled closer to Mary-Anne while they watched the clouds meander in breezy fluffiness across the perfectly blue sky. The grass beneath them was perfectly green, the sunshine washing over them was perfectly warm, and the sound of children playing in the distance was perfectly merry. Everything was absolutely, positively, beyond any doubt _perfect_.

In fact, it was too _perfect. _The day was so _perfect_ that Dib felt like getting up, telling Mary-Anne good-bye, going right out of the park, walking straight into Zim's house and rip the alien apart. Because that was what he did. His duty was to restore the balance in the universe. And that's what he _really_ wanted from himself now. To help keep the balance by killing the Invader.

Stifling his paranoid thoughts, Dib closed his eyes and tried to forget about Zim. Then he heard a voice, a voice he didn't need to hear anymore...

"G.I.R.! Get out of that cart right now! You're attracting too much attention to us!"

Dib jolted upright just in time to see Zim diving into the Ice-Cream man's cart to retrieve his junk-food addicted machine while an old lady on the bench looked on.

"Hey, Mary-Anne," he stammered, trying hard to keep control. "You wanna go see _Generic Teen Romantic Comedy_?"

"Sounds great, Dibby!" she chirped. And so the pair made their way to the Ultra-Mega-Super Cinemaplex.

Ticket stub and soda in hand, Dib settled down next to his girl secure in the knowledge that at least in the dark of the matinee he'd be safe from his deviancy. And for the duration of that sugary melodramatic travesty to **_real_** cinema, it appeared that he was right.

Walking out into the lobby, Dib faked like he enjoyed to film with an arm around Mary-Anne's waist. Listening to her coo and giggle made him feel like barfing, but maybe it was just some rancid popcorn. But that didn't matter so long as it was normal.

But while he was wondering whether or not to sneak into _Galaxia XXVIII: The Movie_, the last matinee showing of _Death-Death, Kill-Boy!_ let out. Among the teeming crowd of testosterone-pumped jocks and creepy postal workers leered the green face of Zim.

Dib saw it for just a second before the face disappeared. Panicked, he glanced the other way and saw G.I.R. in its day-glo green doggy suit staring at posters for upcoming features. When the robot turned to shriek "Hi!", Dib tightened his grip on Mary-Anne and dashed out of the Cinemaplex. He only stopped running when Dib had put three full city-blocks between them and Zim.

"What's the matter with you?" Mary-Anne asked, looking worried.

"Nothing! Nothing's wrong."

"Are you sure? You're acting like somebody's following us..."

"Look I'm fine!" Dib snapped, looking nervously over his shoulder. "I'm...I'm just feeling a bit sick, that's all."

She looked down at her shoes with a dejected little frown. "If you say so..."

"I'm sorry for snarling at you." he sighed, guilty taking over for terror. "Tell you what: Why don't I walk you back to the apartment then go back to the house for some rest? I'll call you the second I feel better and we can -I dunno- go someplace for dinner."

"You promise?"

Dib smiled. "Promise."

"Alright then!" Mary-Anne kissed his cheek. "But remember: You _promised_!"

"Don't worry. I won't forget."

That settled, they strolled hand in hand down the sidewalk, never seeing the dark figures watching them from the shadows of a nearby alley.

---


	5. Little Sister Judas & The Jerk From Oute...

Sorry for rushing the last part, but I was a _little_ stoned off of generic NyQuil when I wrote it. (re-reads chapter four) Okay, make that **_royally _**stoned... But there is a method to my madness. And the OC Zim. There's a lot of talking and exposition in this chapter, so just be patient with my sick, essay laden butt.

Suggested Listening:   
_Opportunities - Petshop Boys, Head Around You - The Offspring, Popular- Nada Surf, Black Betty - Ram Jam_

_**Chapter 5: "**Little Sister Judas and the Jerk from Outer Space"_

The front door slammed open and Dib marched in, pulling off a look that was both pissed and panicked at the same time. He barely noticed his sister stretched out on the couch watching what looked like yet another Uber-violent pornime.

Gaz didn't bother turning away from her sketch as she griped, "What are you doing here?"

"Umm, I live here."

"Oh yah. Kind of hard to tell since you're out with your girlfriend all the time."

"Oh, that hurt..." Dib growled, clenching his teeth. "You're just jealous that I've actually got a life now while you're still sitting around here drawing those stupid doodles and watching your dumb cartoons."

The pencil snapped in Gaz's hand. "Dib, if you value your pathetic life, I'd suggest you go away. **_Now_**."

"Or what? You gonna stab me with a crayon?"

Head twisting in a inhumanly sharp 180-degree turn, she started to take her brother up on the offer, but then snapped back into indifferent mode. "Ah, screw it."

"Geez, Gaz... You're getting soft. Normally, you would've mauled me by now."

"I'm not getting soft." she hissed. "I'm only letting you off this time because you're bitchy."

"What?!"

Gaz cocked any eyebrow. "You're being a bitch. Is that too hard to understand, genius boy?"

"Look, I don't know what you're getting at, but I am not being bitchy."

"Yes you are, Dib. And do you want to know how I know that?"

He frowned. "Oh, do enlighten me..."

"You're bitchy because you're in denial. You just can't handle the fact that you're a freak. A Big Gay Freak. You're so in the fucking closet that you had to hook up with some robot cheerleader from Bizzaro-Land to fool everyone into thinking that you're straight and normal. And it's making you miserable, cause you know you're neither of those things, Dib. You're just not." A nasty grin slithered across her face. "That, and you haven't been getting any lately..."

Dib gaped at her in shock. Was it obvious now? Or was Gaz just second guessing him again? Either way, he'd be damned if he admitted that to _her_.

"For the last time, I am **_not_** gay. I just have a few issues to work through. And I've never even thought of having sex with Zim!"

Gaz cracked open an eye. "I never said you did..."

"I don't have to stand here and take this crap!" Dib snapped, going on the defensive. "I'm...I'm going to take a walk. If Mary-Anne calls, tell her I'll be back later." With that, he went back out the door, slamming it behind him.

For a moment, Gaz stared at the door then shrugged. She knew that, sooner or later, her moron of a brother would realize how stupid this was getting and everything would go back to normal. And if it didn't... Well, it wasn't her problem.

Unfortunately that vile sense of Duty cropped up again, demanding that she right the cosmic **_wrongness_** of Dib's faking. It had been bugging Gaz for weeks, insisting that if she'd just fix the problem that was Mary-Anne it'd let her get back to her precious GameSlave2. Shame she didn't have an idea as to how to do that. Well, she did have a few ideas, but then she'd need someplace to hide the body.

Getting off the couch, Gaz went upstairs for a fresh pencil as and tried to ignore the whiny-voiced Duty banging about her subconscious. As she passed by Dib's room, she thought she heard something thump onto the floor.

"Be quiet, G.I.R.!" rasped a voice barely muffled by the door. "We don't want to alert the Dib of our presence!"

"Why?!" squealed another voice.

Gaz smiled and, grabbing a conveniently placed foam-gun, opened the door. She relished the look of surprise on Zim's face when the first blast of frothy restraint hit him.

"G.I.R.! Defensive mode! Nah-oomph!"

The second blast got him in the face.

But the robot had gotten the gist of the order. Going red-eyed, G.I.R. leapt forward and... latched onto Gaz's chest like some sort of twisted android bra.

"HI, SCARY LADY!!!"

Taken aback by the sudden, and very unwelcome, burst of affection, Gaz stood in doorway with a look of utter horror while Zim squirmed free from the sticky mess. Then the Wrath kicked in.

"**Get the hell off me, you stupid tin-can!" **

"Awah...but I like it here!" G.I.R. whined, snuggling closer. "It's like bathing in warm marshmallows..."

"Good job, G.I.R.! Now, move so I can obliterate the hu-oomph!"

Even with a robot clinging tenaciously to her, Gaz still managed to fire off a third shot and effectively glue Zim to the far wall. As she pried G.I.R. loose, she stalked toward the alien with an aura of malice only matched by Great Whites in a feeding frenzy.

Bored and ignorant of his master's plight, G.I.R. wandered over to the desk and began playing with Dib's impressively geeky collect of giant robot toys.

"Don't come any closer!" snarled Zim, attempting to look threatening despite being encased in a mound of sticky foam. "I'm warning you. Take one more step closer and I'll... I'll spew acid in your face! I mean it!" His confidence wavered a little at the lack of fear in Gaz, so he added lamely, "I can do that sort of thing..."

"Bullshit."

"You dare mock Zim?! You? With your pathetic human weapons?!"

Gaz sighed. "Unlike Dib, I don't get off listening to your stupid threats."

"Get off?" Zim mumbled in confusion. Then it slowly dawned on him what she meant. "Oh, that's just SICK! When I get out of this miserable foaminess, I'm going to tear you organs out through your nostrils and make you eat them! In alphabetical order! With Super Secret Sauce!"

"Yah, whatever..."

Somewhere deep within Zim's fractured psyche, another overstrained rubber-band of sanity snapped.

"YOU DARE DISMISS ZIM!" He screeched, failing around like a crack-head weasel. "I'LL MAKE YOU PAY FOR YOUR INSOLENCE! I'LL MAKE YOUR WHOLE VILE SPEICES PAY A THOUSANDFOLD FOR IT! YOU'LL SEE! ONCE I'M FINISHED WITH THIS FUCKING PLANET, YOU HUMANS ARE GOING TO WISH YOU'D NEVER MOCKED ZIM!"

"What the hell's his problem?" Gaz muttered to G.I.R.

"I think Master has the PMS..."

Giving the robot one of her rare gapes, Gaz turned back to Zim. "So you really are a girl..."

"Damn dirty human... Get it through your horrible skull: I'M MALE!"

"Sure you are..." In a strange display of mercy, Gaz sprayed the release solvent, freeing Zim.

Sneering in triumph, he advanced with laser drawn. "You just made a fatal mistake, young Gaz. Now prepare for you're DOOM!"

"You don't want to do that."

Zim blinked. "I don't?"

"No. Because I'm want to help you."

"Help? HA!! We don't _need_ your **_stinking _**help!"

Gaz shrugged. "Fine. Kill me. But only if you can answer me this: Why Dib?"

"Excuse me?"

"Why keep playing around with my idiot brother? Wouldn't it be easier for you just to take advantage of his ignoring you to conquer Earth? Or just nuke the planet from space and go back to whatever crap-hole planet you're from?"

"Because... I, eh... Dib's always..." Growling in frustration, Zim lowered his laser and turned up his 'nose' in distain. "Your filthy, underdeveloped brains could not handle the magnitude of my reasons for hunting the Dib."

"Try me."

"..."

"Knew it." she hissed with an evil smirk after several minutes of silence passed. "You're in love with him, aren't you?"

"I am an Irken! We are incapable of this pathetic LOVE that weakens you humans." Zim stopped, thought about what he just said for a second, then added. "But I do respect Dib's -- eh, skills. Yes. I respect his Dib-ness."

"Right. You want a soda or something?"

Zim stared blankly at her. "What?"

"Do you want a soda? God, am I surrounded by morons?!"

He looked at Gaz like she had the brain worms. "Uh...okay?"

"Good." Leading the rather puzzled alien and his dumbly grinning robot to the kitchen, Gaz quickly made them sit as she dug up a few Grape Poops, a tube of freezer burned Coco-Chunk ice-cream, and a box of Midol.

"Here." She grumbled, shoving the ice-cream and pills at Zim. "Take these. They'll make you feel less...moody."

The alien poked at the stuff before him. "Is this some kind of poison?"

Gaz snarled at him.

"Okay, okay..." Grimacing in disgust, Zim forced down the Midol and a spoonful of the vile dairy muck. When he noticed Gaz staring at him expectantly, he squeezed out, "It's-(gag)-delicious..."

"Thank you. Now, let's get down to business." She settled herself in the chair across from Zim. "Why were you breaking into Dib's room?"

"Well, I was planning to vaporize his ENORMOUS head..." snapped Zim, emphasizing his point with a fist slammed on the table. "That is, until you showed up and covered me in foam."

G.I.R. giggled. "We was gonna to make Dib head go KA-BOOM!"

"Did it ever occur to you that he might not be home?"

Zim scoffed. "Don't be stupid. Dib has to be here! I heard him tell his **_girl_** that he was coming back here. I mean, this is his home base!"

"You just happened to overhear Dib tell Mary-Anne that?" Gaz asked in a skeptically jeer.

"Oh, silly Gaz! Do you know nothing?" Zim laughed, gulping down another spoonful ice-cream. "G.I.R. and I have been following the Dib and that HORRIBLE **_girl_** the entire afternoon!"

"So you have a way of tracking Dib?"

"What sort of stupid question is that?! Of course I can find the human and his **_girl_**..."

Gaz put her soda down and leaned closer to Zim. "Let me get this straight: You can find Dib and Mary-Anne while they're _together_, but you can't tracked them both _separately_?"

"Not exactly..." He slurped up the last of the Coco-Chunks. "I can pinpoint the exact location of the **_girl_**, but not your huge headed sibling."

"Then why haven't you done something about _her_?"

"Oh, quit acting like a moron! The **_girl_** is unimportant! Inconsequential! And completely insignificant! I'm only after Dib, not his UGLY little pet..."

Teeth grinding, Gaz put her head in her hands. "You DUMBASS!"

"Eh?"

"Don't you realize that this crap started when Dib got himself a _girlfriend_?" She rasped hopelessly. "If you get rid of Mary-Anne, Dib will certain go back to being his old, alien-hunting, babbling lunatic self!"

Zim gaped at her in amazement, realizing the sheer rightness of what Gaz had just said. He almost congratulated her, but then his Irken pride kicked in. "If it was that easy, then surely a mind as EXTRAORDINARY as mine would have come up with it before now! Besides, the **_girl_** is constantly with Dib. Neither one of us could take him on alone. Why, it take both of us teaming up to get rid of this **_Mary-Anne_**!"

Gaz bolted straight up in her chair. "What did you say?"

"Neither one of us can take Dib alone?"

"No, no! That last part!"

"We have to team up?"

"Zim," Gaz murmured in awe, "this is the first and _only_ time I'm going to say this: You're a fucking **_genius_**! If you and I work together, we can get rid of the scourge that is Mary-Anne. And, as an added bonus, you'll get all the Dib stalking you can stand."

"Are you **_crazy_**?!! I'd never, never, never-ever team up with a human!"

"You helped Dib out a few times, before he became a total asshole..."

"You lie, female-stink!" snarled the alien, pointing an angry claw at her. "I have **_never_** aided the Dib!"

"Yes you did, master!" G.I.R. chirped as he extracted himself from the breadbox he'd taken a nap in. "You help the big-head boy lots and lots of times!"

Whipping around, Zim snapped on his robot slave. "Just who's side are you on?!"

"The one with the naked dancing gnomes..."

Both Zim and Gaz stared at it in silence.

"Okay..." Gaz turned back to the alien. "Look, I'm not thrilled with the idea either. In fact, it makes me nauseous just thinking about it. So unless you have a better plan, I suggest you quit whining and deal."

Knowing that this was an offer he couldn't refuse, Zim sighed in defeat. "Very well, devil girl. I accept your offer. But know that the minute Dib is back to being Dib, our truce is over!"

"Fine by me." Hopping off her car, Gaz walked over to Zim, grabbed him by the scruff of his neck and unceremoniously threw him out of the house. "Now, get out of here. I've got work to do."

"Eh?!" Zim sputtered, extracting his forehead from the gutter. "But you still haven't told me your plan!"

"Just be waiting for me at my locker tomorrow at Skool."

"And then you'll tell me the plan?"

Gaz held back the urge to beat her new ally into a bloody mass. "Yes. Now, LEAVE!"

The door slammed, leaving Zim still sprawling on the sidewalk.

"Bye Scary Lady!" G.I.R. yelled, trotting up to his master with Midol in hand.

"Come, G.I.R.!" sneered the alien, hopping up and acting as if he hadn't just been bested by a human-girl. "We're return to the base. I've got some planning of my own to do." Grinning the ruthless grin of a pure-breed Invader, Zim chuckled in the most disturbingly soft way as he began to marching down the street. He couldn't resist rubbing his hands villainously. "Oh such planning must I do..."

-----

_The Hi-Skool, next morning..._

Feeling euphoric from the sheer _genius _of his **_plan within a plan_**, Zim leaned against the cool metal of the lockers and waited for Gaz. Between putting the finishing touches on the **_p.w.p._** and ordering Mini-moose to bring more of the 'Midol' pills, he wondered what sort of twisted and, most likely, violent thing the devil spawn that was Dib's sister had come up with. He knew that it would be nothing compared to what he was planning to the horrors he was planning for Dib, but Zim couldn't help admiring the raw amount of _malice_ that Gaz had in her dead-black heart of icy darkness. If it wasn't for her obsession with that silly video-game toy, she could've turned out a adversary worthy enough for Zim to consider a near equal. Then again, knowing what lengths Gaz would go to for vengeance, he was suddenly glad to have her as an ally instead of an enemy.

Zim's train of thought was soon broken by the appearance of Dib and his **_girl_** coming down the hall, laughing and smiling and looking to all the rest of the world like the perfect happy couple. But it only made Zim clench up his fists in quiet, shaking rage. Patience... patience...

"_Zim_. What are _you_ doing here?" Dib growled, trying to hide his panic in machismo.

"_Nothing_, earth-boy." replied the alien, putting up a front of casual hatred. "I'm just standing around like all the other **_normal_** monkeys. You gotta problem with that?"

"Yah, I've gotta problem." Before Dib could get any further with his male posturing, a mysterious bass-line and guitar solo suddenly blared to life.

(_Whoa, Black Betty! Bam-a-lam_)   
(_Whoaaaaa, Black Betty! Bam-a-lam)_

The entire hall turned toward the nexus of this bizarre auditory phenomena.

"Oh. My. God." gasped Mary-Anne.

(_Black Betty had a child... Bam-a-lam _)   
(_The damn thing gone wild... Bam-a-lam_)   
(_The damn thing gone blind! Bam-a-lam_)

The source was a lone girl at the end of the hall. She was decked out like Lolita meets Satan's daughter, from the menacing theatre makeup to the form-fitting Catholic school uniform to the striped stockings and combat boots. As she strutted past, heads turned to follow her as she made her way up the hall.

It wasn't until she was right in front of him that Dib was stricken with a startling recognition.

(_I said Oh, Black Betty! Bam-a-Lam_)_   
_(_Whoa, Black Betty! Bam-a-Lam_)

"Gaz?!" he stammered, unable to believe the change that had come over his sister.

But she made no sign that she'd heard him. Instead, Gaz breezed past her stunned brother and aggressively grabbed Zim by his waist. "Come 'ere, greenie."

Zim, more thrown by the fact that Gaz was out of uniform than by the fact that she'd gone Goth-slut, let her drag him off a little ways. Then his brain kicked back in.

"Hey! What the h-"

Clenching tighter, she stifled his resistance. "It's all part of the plan, Zim." she hissed in his 'ear'. "Now, just play along and keep smiling or I'm going to make you wish you'd never been born..."

Catching the drift, the alien nodded and plastered the most extreme fake smile he could on his face. As he looked around at the surprised faces of his sheepish peers, hushed snippets like "I thought she was a lesbian..." and "why the _freak_?" and "stupid locker...". Then he recognized what the human was trying to do: Gaz's plan was to make trick the skool into believing that he was her '_boyfriend_', though he still couldn't figure out what this had to do with the Dib. But if there was one thing that Zim prided himself on, it was following orders, even if he really thought they were stupid.

In his eagerness to show off his ASTOUNDING knowledge of Earth mating lore, Zim snaked a hand down Gaz's back and gave her butt an 'affectionate' squeeze.

Growling in rage, Gaz responds to the gesture by shoving Zim into the boy's bathroom. The flailing alien slammed into Poochy, Drinker of HATE, who'd been taking a quick pee before class, and caused the unfortunate boy to catch himself in his zipper.

In the far corner next to the windows Samichy, Rob, and Zoogoldon cease their consumption of illegal herbage to stare.

"You," Gaz barks with a curt jerk of her thumb. "Out!"

As they filed (or, in Poochy's case, waddled in _agony_) past her, Samichy mutters under his breath, "Damn! I must be seeing things! This is some strong shit, Rob!"

"Word."

Ignoring the stoners, Gaz locks the door and whirls on Zim.

"What the hell is wrong with you, you jerk?!"

"What?" he replies with a shrug. "You're plan is make it appear we are engaged in this '_dating_' ritual, correct? I was only behaving like a..._boyfriend_." The last word was wedged out with a gagging sound.

"If you ever touch me like that again, I'll rip out your squiddly-splooch."

"But was I right about the plan?"

Gaz hops up on the sink and crosses her arms. "Zim, a brain-dead monkey could've figured that out."

"But why? I hardly think that this is going to help our mission."

"Actually, us '_dating_'..." Gaz nearly choked on the word. "Is vital to my plan. Didn't you notice the look on his stupid face?"

"Uh..."

"It's making Dib jealous."

Zim blinked then face-faulted in disgust. "Human, that definitely more than I ever wished to know about your _filthy_ family!"

In a burst of fury, the truce was briefly forgotten in favor of a quick lesson in why the wise man never suggest to devil girl that she's involved incestuously with her sibling. The lesson ended with Gaz dunking the alien into a handy toilet and flushing repeatedly.

"Grr...Why aren't you hurting?!"

"I think I'm bleeding internally..." Zim faltered, gingerly shoving his eyeball back in.

"But the water! Shouldn't you be, you know, dissolving or something?"

Laughing smugly despite his wounds, the alien menace clambered out of the toilet. "Oh-ho! Stupid, stupid earth girl. You're pitiful water torture no longer affects ZIM for I have conditioned my body to withstand this vile liquid of DOOM!" He adjusted his disguise and went serious again. "But I'm still not sure what good it is making the Dib jealous. After all, would he not already be jealous of my MAGNIFICENT brilliance? I am so GLORIOUS that even the white-hot intensity of ten trillion suns cannot match my shiny GRANDEUR! Why, I am the single greatest Invader to have ever been smeeted! Yes, earth stink. You all should be HONORED that your fecal planet shall met ERADICATION at the mighty hand of ZIM!"

"Well, if you're that impressive, then why does he keep ignoring you?"

"Do not change the subject!"

Gaz hung her head and ground her teeth. Joining forces with a megalomaniacal moron was definitely a bad idea...

"Look, I don't know how it works with your species, but on Earth, older brothers are very protective of their sisters. And you're his self-professed archenemy. What do you believe Dib's going to think if he believes we really are a...(retch) _couple_?"

Zim's brow furrowed in intense concentration. "Uh, eh... That I've brainwashed you?"

"Very good. Now, what do you think he's going to do about it?"

"Ooh! The Dib's going to go- how do you primates put it - completely ape-shit and try to kill me for having corrupted your delicate female virtue with my depraved and inhuman _LOVE_."

She shuddered in loathing. "Yes, but don't ever say that again."

"Ingenious..." mused the alien. "And here I was thinking that you were just another stupid monkey-pig."

"Right..." Unlocking the door, she turned back to Zim. "Now, let's get on with it, _darling._"

"Why of course, Gaz _dearest._"

Arm in arm, yet strangely distant, the pair walked out of the bathroom and off to began a campaign of **_fantastic romantic terrorism_** on Dib's paranoid mind.

----


	6. Dark Fantastic Pleasure

Woo! Only two more chapters and an epilogue left people. Aren't you excited? (ignores the silence) Good. Okay, a few little details to address before we get to the fiction. First: Sorry pinky, but I'm not Australian. I have the misfortune of birth to be both American and Southern. The only Outback I've seen is the steakhouse. Numero dos: There will be more song lyrics popping up in random spots, so get use to seeing ((_this crap_)). Oh, and it's gonna get a wee bit freaky soon, sugar-puff, so I hope you're up to it.

Songs (Mis-)Used in This Chapter  
Franz Ferdinand -(_Cheating On You _and_ Auf Achse_)

_**Chapter 6: Dark Fantastic Pleasure**_

"I can't believe this!" Dib screamed for the thousandth time that day. "I can't fucking believe this!"

"Would you calm down?" sighed Mary-Anne as she watched him make yet another circuit around the tiny apartment. "I'm sure there's nothing to worry about."

At that comment, he made a yell that sounded like a howler monkey being castrated with a dull butter knife . "Nothing to worry about?! There's _everything _to worry about! This is sooo fucking **_wrong_** that there are no words in existence to express just how **_wrong_** it is! Don't you see?! Zim and Gaz dating has gotta be one of the signs of the Apocalypse!!"

She rolled her eyes in a tired but cute way. "Quit overreacting, Dibby dear. It's not as bad as you think."

"You're right." he muttered, plopping onto the couch. "It's worse."

"Oh really? It's that terrible that your sister has a boyfriend now?"

"You don't understand, Mary-Anne, and that's my fault. I should've told you more about what my family before now, but I never thought they'd be a problem." Rubbing his temples, he leaned back. "Let me be brief about my sister Gaz: She hates **_everyone_**. The entire world could be laid to ruin today and she'd be just fine with that. Sometimes I think Gaz only lives off of pizza and pure malice. The only thing that keeps her from becoming a creature of pure**_ EVIL _**is the fact that she thinks the concept's too stupid for her to deal with."

"Okay, then what about Zim?"

Dib laughed dryly. "Considering that he looks upon humanity as being a collection of useless shit-flinging monkeys who are so far beneath him that he won't willingly touch one with his bare hands… I don't think Zim's with my sister because he likes her _charming_ personality…"

"Come on! You don't know that for sure. Maybe he and Gaz really do love each other."

"Ha! The only things Gaz loves are Bloaty's and her GameSlave2. As for Zim, the only things he cares for is destruction and conquest." Seeing that she was rolling her eyes again, Dib rankled. "Look, Mary-Anne! I'm serious about this. You don't know them like I do… If Zim has stooped to running around with a human- eh, make that _humanoid_- ,then he must be plotting something. And it must be something big if he's crazy enough to enlist Gaz's help. If it was anybody else, I'd think he'd have drugged them or implanted a mind control device or some other bullshit like that… But not with Gaz. I'm not sure how Zim convinced her to go along with his sick scheme, but she's definitely a willing partner in whatever it is…"

"Dib, you're blowing this way out of proportion."

"No I'm not!" he shouted, leaping to his feet. "Everything I have on Zim says that…"

"Hold on! Everything you have on Zim?" Frowning crossly, Mary-Anne glared at him. "You weren't looking at that file again, were you?"

"No-no! Of course not! I haven't looked at the files in days!"

"Files?! So, it's files now?!" She angrily jabbed him in the chest with a finger. "You said there was only one of those Zim Files and that you dissolved in acid before we started this!"

"I never said that!"

From nowhere, Mary-Anne whips out a DVD and pops it into a handy DVD-player. After a brief roar of snow comes the recording of that very living room for the point of view of Mary-Anne. Apparently, she's the one taping it as the camera is looking down at Dib with his head is in her lap.

"Dibby, did you get rid of _everything_ Zim-related in your life?"

"Yah. Put it through the industrial shredder, burned it, and dumped the lot in a vat of acid. There's no way I'm ever, ever, ever going to see that crap again!"

She cuts off the DVD.

"Why would you tape that?"

"That doesn't matter." Mary-Anne crossed her arms, taking on a tone of a scolding mother. "It's barely been a week and you're already relapsing into your bad habits! You may have gotten over the first step by admitting that you have a problem, but you're not following through with the therapy. The only way you can get through this is by helping me help you."

Feeling absolutely guilt-ridden and more than a little upset, Dib caved. "Okay! I get it! I'm an addict, alright?! I'm addicted to the paranoia! But you can't expect my obsessive tendencies just to vanish overnight." He inhaled, trying not to let out the jagged little sobs. "Chasing Zim was-_has_- been such a large part of my life that I… I just can't help myself sometimes. It's so hard to let it go."

"I know, sweetie. I know…" Gently, she wrapped her arms around him and stroked his hair. "But you can get through this if you will just help me help you."

Embracing her, Dib lied softly, "You're right, Mary-Anne. Being with you has been the best thing I've ever done."

"Dib…"

"Mary-Anne…"

She closed her eyes and leaned closer in expectation. Slowly, his lips parted and…

"You…wanna get something to eat?"

"Uh…sure." Crestfallen, Mary-Anne let him go and picked up her coat. "McMeaty's or Bloaty's?"

"How about a some of Chicky-Lickey's Old Fashioned and a trip to the lake?"

She brightened considerably. "That sounds wonderful!"

--_A short time later…_

Empty sodas between them and the radio blaring, Dib sped his Jaguar XK8 up the woody hillside at the sort of pace only achieved in those over-hyped car commercials. Keeping one eye on the road, he glanced over at Mary-Anne.

((_Good-bye girl… Because I'm lonely…_))_  
_((_Good-bye girl… It isn't over…_))

He couldn't understand why he'd suggested going up to the lake. Dib really didn't want to go there because, from the look in her eyes, he knew what she was expecting of him. And, as long as there was Zim, he could never feel the same…

((_Good-bye girl… You know you own me _))  
((_Good-bye girl… Yes, I'm a loser _))

In the locker room, in the cafeteria, even in the middle of class, everybody was talking about the latest couple to make it up to the lake. Oh, the stories they did tell. Of parked cars, tight pants, wet upholstery, giggles and fumbles in the dark of a backseat…

((_You're cheating on me… _))

What the hell possessed him to even start going out with Mary-Anne anyway? He'd never expected that she'd want to go this far. In fact, Dib was surprised that he'd kept up the act as long as he had.

((_Good-bye girl… You are the only one…_))  
((_Good-bye girl… Although you own me._))  
((_Good-bye girl… You only owe me LOVE…_))

Mary-Anne half turned to face him, smiling with a gleam of shy lust in her eye. Another button pop loose from her blouse, exposing a tiny silver of lace bra.

((_Good-bye girl… Well, if you're lonely… _))  
((_Good-bye girl… Why don't you join me?_))  
((_Good-bye girl… You know, it's only LOVE!_))

Then again, why the hell shouldn't he seize the moment?! It wasn't like anyone else had to know about it. He didn't need to prove his manhood to anybody else by bragging about going up to the lake with some hot girl! And he sure as hell didn't care what they thought of him anymore!

((_ I'm cheating on you! Yah!_))

The hell with them all!

((_ I'm thinking of you…_))

But what if someone found out? What if…What if it got back to Zim? Just what the hell would the little nutcase do to him…

((_I'm cheating on you! _))

Screw Zim! This was all his own fucking fault anyway! Why should Dib care what that jackass thought of him?

((_I'm cheating on me…_))

Because it was **_wrong_**. This whole thing was just plain **_wrong_**.

((_Good-bye girl._))

The car whipped up a cloud of red and golden leaves as it climbed the steep hillsides. Finally, a glimmer of water became visible just hidden by a dense matting of naked trees. The lakeside was nearly deserted that chilly evening.

Pulling up to a secluded spot just overlooking the lake, Dib yanking up on the emergency brake and turned to Mary-Anne. He started to say something, but looked back away. For several minutes they sat there, radio playing an upbeat tune about pretty gay boys and discos, watching the sun sinking in a molten syrupy glob into the faint ripple of the water.

((_You_ _see_ _her_…))  
(( _You can't touch her…_ ))

Dib leaned his seat back and looked back at his girl. Mary-Anne was looking back at him, aglow in the dying blaze of sunlight. Her hair was loose today, hanging in ringlets of burning red around that soft face. Any boy would kill to be Dib just then.

((_You_ _hear her_…))  
(( _You can't hold her…_ ))

"Dib…" she began, but he reached out and touched her lips to quiet her.

"Shh… don't talk." With a feather light touch, Dib ran his hand across her face and wound his fingers in her hair.

((_You want her_…))  
(( _You can't have her…_ ))

He leaned closer, pressing gently against her body. His other hand snaked around her waist and he pulled her nearer.

It was like something out of a movie the way they kissed. Okay, maybe no-one in the movies has chickeny flavored kisses, but this was pretty damn close to perfection. Every motion was passionate, tender, slowly, and deep…

((_Now you wish she'd never _))  
(( _Come back here again…_ ))

A lonecreepermoved closer to the parked car, stealthy and determined. It was just close enough to watch the dark haired boy lean over his **_girl_** and kiss her as if it was the last kiss on Earth. Something deep insider the creeper's organs twanged painfully.

(( _Ooooh… Never…_))  
(( _Come back here again…_))

Dib slide his hands up her sides, pushing Mary-Anne's shirt up until it was bunched over her more than ample chest. His fingers lightly grazed a lacey edge of bra.

In the shadows, the creeper growled.

((_You_ _want to_…))  
(( _But she won't let you…_ ))

From the dark of the undergrowth, a pair of gleaming red eyes stared at the couple. The further Dib went, the deeper the creeper's growling and the hotter it's rage became. It grew and grew and grew until…

((_She's not so special! _))  
(( _So look what you've done, boy!_ ))  
((_She's not so special! _))  
(( _So look what you've done!_))

Blinded by fury, Zim broke cover and leapt toward the car. Before either Dib or his **_girl_** could react, a blur of violet and black lunged out from nowhere, tackling the maddened alien and send both over the embankment.

((_Now I'm nailed above you! _))  
(( _Gushing from my side…_ ))

Sputtering out sandy gravel, Zim snapped around to face his opponent with a flurry of claw swipes. She deftly dodged and countered his frantic blows. If she wasn't so pissed off, she might've laughed at his stupidity.

((_It's with your sins _))  
(( _that you have killed me!_ ))  
((_Thinking of your sins I die_))

But Gaz wasn't in the mood for either laughs or mercy as she cracked her crazed ally upside the head and sent him sprawling out across the slip of rocky beach. The idiot nearly ruined three days worth of work.

((_Thinking how You'd let them touch you_))

With a quick twist, Gaz slammed Zim hard into the bank-side and under the cover of shadows.

Above them, Dib was standing on the edge of the embankment, scanning the beach for any sign of the strange things he'd seen flash by the fogged up window. Seeing nothing, he went back to the car.

((_How you never realized…_))  
(( _that I'm ripped and hang forsaken!_ ))

Once she heard the engine rev and gravel crunching into the distance, Gaz step in front of Zim. Snarling, she reared back and starting beating on him so bad that even a pimp would've been shocked.

((_Knowing never will I rise…_))  
(( _Again_ ))

Under the onslaught, Zim fell to the ground. But Gaz didn't stop, switching over to kicking and stomping on the prone Invader as if he was a really stubborn cockroach.

((_You still see her…_))  
(( _Oh… And you hear her…_ ))

"What the fuck were you thinking?!" she roared, slamming her heel into his ribs. "We could've been discovered!"

((_Ooh…you want her _))  
(( _Oh, you want to…_ ))

Tired of kicking his ass, Gaz took a step back to catch her breath.

((_You see her… _))

Zim just laid there, bloodied and panting. He looked up at Gaz, tasting the bile of hate… Or was that ruptured organ juice…

(( _You still hear her…_))

"Well, jerk-off," she hissed, ready to give him another pounding. "Explain yourself."

((_You want her _))  
(( _And you still want to…_ ))

"Nothing, _Gaz_…" he spat, getting back up on his feet. "I… saw an opening and decided to take it. Is there anything wrong with that?"

"Let me think… Yes." She pulled out a pack of wet-naps and started wiping the blood off herself. "According to the plan- Which, may I remind you, was mostly your stupid idea- We're only suppose to be keeping tabs on the love-birds until just the right moment."

"I knew that! And besides, _Gaz_, how do you know that wasn't the right moment?!" Zim puffed up his chest, then winced in pain. "After all, I'm the Invader here! You have neither the training nor the experience necessary to determine or even understand the sheer GENIUS of Irken strategy!"

"You mean flailing around like a drunken sorority chick and repeated getting your ass handed to you by a girl?"

Zim rankled and hissed at that comment. "Can we go back to the base now?"

"Why?"

"Well, for one thing, I'd like to repair the damage you've done to my body…" he sneered, stomping past her.

"Fine." Stuffing the used wet-naps into her pocket, Gaz followed the battered alien back up the embankment and to the ratty, avocado-colored El Camino. Much to her surprise, Zim opened her door and stood waiting for her to get in.

"Umm, Zim…" she asked, eyebrow arching. "What are you doing?"

Smiling despite the swelling bruises, Zim replied, "I'm being polite! That's what any good, chivalrous boyfriend is supposed to do, correct? And I, ZIM, shall prove to you just how _GRACIOUS_ I can be!"

"Okay…" Not wanting to hear anymore of his babbling, Gaz got into the El Camino and let Zim shut the door for her.

Still smiling, Zim walked around the back of the car. Oh, he was going to be _gracious_ alright… Gracious like the scorpion riding the dog across the stream. And Gaz had given him **_plenty_** of venom to sting with…

With that in mind, he slide into the driver's seat. Giving the piece of crap a moment to warm-up, Zim whipped his piece of crap car onto the road and set off toward the base.

-----

(a/n: Yes. You read that right: Dib has himself a sports car while Zim, with all his AMAZING alien tech, got an avocado-colored El Camino. Classy, huh?)


	7. The Camper Velourium

Bienvenue, mes amis, au prochain acompte de **Domo Arigato**! Yes, yes. Be in awe of my skill with French. (And access to BabelFish…) As I bask in the warmth of all your reviews, I shall now live up to my promise and give you all the real GRATITOUS VIOLENCE! Aren't you thrilled yet?! And the horrible truth of Mary-Anne shall finally be revealed! Thank you, bleedman of DeviantArt, for inspiring me! Now might also be a good time to mention that I'm a BIG fan of Sam Raimi movies., Lovecraft, and Jeffery Combs. Mmm… I loves me some B-movies!

Songs (Ab-)used: Coheed & Cambria - _The Camper Velourium (I, II, and III)  
_(a/n: lyrics appears as ((_la-la-la_)) and "_la-la-la_" if spoken/sung by a character.)

_**Chapter 7:** The Camper Velourium _

_--- 1. The Faint of Heart_:

((_Coo-coo, Cha-cho! Ha-ha-ha!_))  
((_With the worries that I give her in … They told the worst of me…_))

The drive back to Zim's base had been a relatively silent one, since all that the El Camino's radio seemed able to pick up was the incessant fritz of static. Growling in annoyance, Gaz gave up on trying to tune in something other than reports about the latest rash of morgue break-ins and turned instead to glaring out the window at the scenery as it blurred past. It barely registered to her that, out of the corner of his eye, Zim was watching her with a faintly hidden sick grin.

((_My wanting just to hold your neck in my arms and feel me squeeze…_))  
((_No, I'm not going to give you what you want, so if you please…_))

He body still stung from the beating she'd given him, as well as his pride. So this lowly little maggot thought she could just mistreat him, ZIM!, like a filthy drone-slave, eh? Did Gaz really believe that he was going to sit back and take the massive amounts of abuse without ever striking back? If so, then Zim had _quite_ the surprise planned for her once they reached the base…

((_The sin that shapes your voice carries to my ears a new disease …_))

"What the hell are you giggling about?" Gaz muttered, shooting a nasty glance over her shoulder at the alien.

"Oh, nothing, Gaz." He replied coolly. "I was just thinking about my plan--"

"_Our _plan." she corrected sourly.

"_The_ plan," continued Zim, trying to keep his anger in check. "Have completed _your_ half of the bargain?"

"I had one hell of a time getting Uncle Herbert to part with it. But after I threatened to tell his 'room-mate' about those experiments he was still doing in the basement, he finally gave me the stuff. What about you?"

"Ooooh…I'm ready on my end, _Gaz_. Oh, so very ready indeed…"

((_The Anxious through the coming storm… You'll sit and pray for rain…_))  
((_Ah- coo-coo, cha-coo!_))

Pulling up to the curb, Zim cut the motor and quickly got out of the car. In an instant, he was holding Gaz's door open with that grin like happy murder on his face.

Gaz stared at him. She had never trusted the alien and the way he'd been acting lately was starting to disturb her. Maybe it was just her imagination, but the psycho-Dom act and the sudden rages, it seemed to her that Zim was finally loosing his grip on sanity. Not that he was ever holding on to it that tightly anyway…

((_No, I'm not going to let you get up if you struggle willingly…_))  
((_Ah- coo-coo, cha-coo!_))  
((_I'll favor all your form to show you how its been done to me…_))

"Hurry up, human!" Zim barked impatiently.

"What's the rush?"

"Eh…I've…um, got something to show you."

Gaz cracked open her eye a little and gave him a wary look, but got out of the car anyway. She had a nagging sensation of foreboding as she followed the smirking freak to the front door. It seemed weird of Zim to keep insisting on holding the door open for her, ushering her inside the darkened living room with a frantic grin.

((_With all the words you say… You'll save._))

"Okay, Zim," hissed Gaz, keeping her back to him. "What the hell did you want to show me?"

((_You were so well-behaved…_))  
((_As you watched and made your way…_))  
((_This gift for you engraved…_))

"I just thought that I would congratulate you on a job well-done, soldier." he drawled in a stiff voice, reaching for something in his PAK. "After all, _Gaz_, you've proven that you had what it takes to be a completely heart-less, bloodthirsty bitch. You would've made a wonderful Invader with that kind of attitude."

((_You were so well-behaved…))  
_((_You were so well…_))  
((_Who taught these tricks that make… You were so well-behaved…_))

"That's why it almost saddens me that I must terminate our alliance."

Gaz just barely ducked aside as Zim lunges for her, his hand just grazing her left shoulder. Knowing that the alien would try a stunt like this sooner or later, she'd come prepared and pulled from nowhere her trusty baseball bat.

"Alright, Zim. You asked for it."

((_If the world stops turning, Girl you better not stop when I say…_))

Still smiling, he calmly stood his ground.

No-one, sane or not, had ever before just waited for Gaz to kill them in grisly fashion. Yet it was the smug expression of triumph that made her hesitate.

"You must really… want… to… die…" slurred the words as a wave of dizziness hit her.

((_If there was nothing you could do to stop it, then why'd you try?!_))

Numbly, she touched her shoulder and saw the smear of blood when she drew her hand back.

The needle Zim was holding hit the floor.

((_Then the ground starts parting through the silence as you woke up the dead!_))

Roaring enraged, Gaz charged forward and swung at Zim, but in her weakening condition he easily sidestepped the blow.

"What's wrong, _Gaz_?" he mocked, watching the poison take it's toll on her. "Not feeling well?"

"RA-ARGH!!" Desperately, she swung again but now she's so weak that the bat slips out of her hands. The force of the swing unbalanced her and Gaz fell forward onto the carpet.

((_Everything here dies alone…_))

Causally, Zim glanced at her prone form. "Hmmm… forty-seconds. Not bad…For a human."

((_But I'm not quite sure what you've been told…_))

"Don't feel too badly about how things turned out, _Gaz_. It's nothing personal… Well, okay, so maybe it _is._ " he sneered. Lazily, he picked up the bat, weighed it, and then tossed it aside. "You were quite a formidable opponent. It took me almost an entire _day_ to come up with the perfect method to dispose of you. I'm amazed that this simple trick worked on you. I've always thought you were the more suspicious type…"

((_But I'm not quite sure how this unfolds…_))

"I guess my charm was just too much for your feeble girliness," Zim rambled on in his power-drunk way. "Still, this has to be one of my more INGENIOUSmoments."

((_Not starting with you, but the faint of heart…_))

"Now I can deal with the **_girl_** and Dib free of your interference. What do you think of that, _Gaz_?"

There was a pause, as if Zim expected an answer. She could barely focus on face blurring in green and red as he leaned over her.

"_Did somebody take you tongue?_" asked the alien, in sarcastic tone.

Without a sound, Gaz began the slide into a swirling dark cesspool of unconsciousness. The last thing she's aware of is Zim cooing softly in her ear.

"_Good-night… Sleep tight…my love…_"

Leaving her sprawled on the floor, Zim step over the body and picked up the phone.

((_Did somebody take your tongue?_))  
((_In worries of the words that you couldn't say… if they could've saved them from…_))

A quick vocal tweak while he dialed and Phase:2 of the **_plan_** would soon be set in motion.

((_But I don't want to sleep without…_))

Mary-Anne sighed as she dropped her keys onto the shelf by the door. The drive up to lake had been just _perfect_ until Dib got spooked. Even after assuring him that it was only a rabbit or a stray dog, Dib insisted on getting out and checking. When he got back into the car, there was this hunted desperation on his face and the moment was gone.

((_So I'll bid to you, Good-night…_))

"I'm sorry," Dib mumbled when he dropped her off. "I'm… feeling sick again, so I'm going to go get some sleep. I'll call you and we'll go out again as soon as I'm feeling better, okay?"

((_Sleep tight…_))

The furious ringing of the phone shook Mary-Anne out of her gloom. Could her little Dib finally be ready for it now? For a second, she wondered if she should just ignore it, but then jumped for the phone eagerly.

"Hello?"

((_My gun…_))

--- _2. Backend of Forever_

Twisting and turning fitfully on the couch, Dib tried in vain to fall to sleep. Sleep and forgot…

But every time he closed his eyes, the image of a flashing green shape, blood-spattered gravels, and muddied water kept replaying . And questions burned through his mind. How could Zim have _known_ about them going to the lake?

((_Rock silent in a soft lullaby…_))

What possessed the little psycho to stalk him everywhere? As far as Dib knew, he hadn't done anything lately that would cause his 'former' enemy to think of him as a threat. To be honest, lately he hadn't even felt very up to deeds more dangerous than sleeping…or at least _trying_ to sleep. So why wouldn't _Zim_ give up already?!

((_Panic stirred me awake, by a ringing phone in time…_))

Dib nearly took out the TV set as he struggled to sit up and get the phone. "Hello?"

((_Where and when would I see her?_))

"Dib?! What are doing at the house?" Mary-Anne squeaked through the staticy connection of her cell-phone.

((_Crazy were the words that scribbled out your mouth…_))

"What are you talking about?" came the sleep-deprived grouse. "I told you that I was feeling sick."

"But you said you'd call if you were feeling better, right? And I know it was you who called and told me to be waiting here for you. I've been wandering around this drafty old place for an hour, Dib!"

(( _I stuttered, replacing your face to those words…_))

"Huh?!" Muzzily, he tried to grasp what she just said. "Run that by me one more time."

((_Where and when would I kill her?_))

"Look, you told me to met you at the St. Dismas' over an hour ago!"

((_…to the bitter end of my day…))_

"Mary-Anne, why would I want to met you at a condemned hospital?"

((_Well, where were you?_))

Muffed by static, he heard her frustrated sigh. She started to say a bit more but was drowned out in a yelp.

((_So you had your turn…_))

Dumbly, Dib held onto the receiver as he heard the cell clatter onto the floor. Even through the awful connection he could make out what sounded like a scuffle, Mary-Anne crying out, someone or some_thing_ slamming against a hard surface, and then a fleshy 'crack!'.

((_As crazy as it may seem, I cried for you when you…_))

Foot-steps came neared and someone picked the phone up.

"Mary-Anne, are you okay?" he gasped, heart pounding in dread. "Mary-Anne?!"

((_And I'll believe anything…_))

On the other end, there was a sobbing little chuckle. "_I have no luck with **girls**…_"

It was a voice that made the blood in Dib's veins froze to slush as the line went dead. Dropping the phone, he tore out of the house in a blind run.

((_Misleading trust…_))

Racing down the empty sidewalk, a string of mad ideas wriggled about Dib's head.

((_OVER AND OUT, CONNECTICUT!_))

'Zim couldn't have… He just couldn't have… He isn't capable of…'

((_But you had your back turned…_))

Like a graying scab on the landscape, St. Dismas loomed up from behind spike-concertina wire topped concrete wall. But there was a gape in the spikes and wire, as if waiting for him to jump through.

((_I found out…_))

Landing in the tangle of overgrown weeds, Did saw a trail had been beaten down leading to the main doors of the hospital.

"God," he growled. "Does Zim really think I'm that stupid?!"

((_You weren't worth what I thought of you…_))

Stumbling his way through the densely massed grass, Dib hauled ass toward the side-door. In places the paint had chipped away, leaving large patches of rust like old bloodstains underneath fractured panes of wire-reinforced glass. Yanking uselessly on the handle for several precious seconds, he remembered that the training he had under Master Bash-'em, founder of Demolitionist-style Kung Fu.

The door imploded in a burst of metal and glass, leaving a hole large enough for Dib to easily walk through. Warily, he started down the murky hallway.

In the dim light, he failed to see a pair of sensors set up on either side of the hall. As he passed by them, the lights suddenly blazed on and the P.A. cracked to life.

((_Write this in that diary you abuse…_))

"November 12th, ----." hummed a voice. "The procedure was a success!"

Dib frozen in mid-step, stunned by the fact that it was _his_ own voice echoing through the empty green halls.

((_Can we make plans?_))

"Please forgive me, but I'm desperate…" gasped the recorded Dib. "It's the only way to get on with my life!"

"Stop it…" Dib whispered, recalling the dank stink of gore and oil from the night.

((_Can I just get through to you?_))

But the recording droned on. "…she's a triumph of SCIENCE and MAN! The sum total of femininity as only to be found in a melding of all that is womanly! Every inch of her, every single scrap of flesh honed to absolutely perfection… Flawless in every detail! She is the Ultimate Girl-Friend!"

He covered his ears and ran, not caring where he went.

((_Is this weird? Do I scare her?_))

But Dib could never really block out the words as it chased him through the winding maze of hallways and doors.

"So what if a few people end up hurt?! Damn them all anyway! I'll live a normal life even if it fucking kills me!"

Slipping in a puddle seeping across the floor, Dib went sprawling onto the tiles.

((_I'll wish on this… I'll wish with this…_))

From behind the door next to him, Dib heard a sharp, nasty laugh.

((_I wish… That you could share the love you shared with others with me…_))

"November 17th, ----" the voice was raspy now. "Oh God, I don't know if can keep this up any longer…"

((_So you had your turn, and you made it work…_))

Slowly, Dib sat up and looked the wet red streaks on the floor. Red stained his palms and the front of his shirts as well.

((_Now I'm the laughing stock of your joke…_))

"Who the hell was I fooling?!" raged the recording. "I knew this would never work out! I just knew! But it's too late now…"

((_As crazy as it may seem, I cried for you when you…_))

"I've let this go on for too long… She's become too real-too **_human_**- now…"

((_Told me to date all of the things that made you end up in my life…_))

Dib got up off the floor.

In the frosted panes was a silhouette staring out at him. It's hand moved in a faint simmer and pressed against the glass.

((_And I'll believe anything…_))

"I should've torn her apart before I finished her…"

((_I have no luck with girls…_))

The door opened and Zim stood blocking his view into the room. There were smears of grease and blood down the black rubber apron he wore.

"_I overheard that you were unhappy too…_" cooed the alien innocently. "_Into a relationship that makes no sense_."

Dib already was aware of what had happened, yet that didn't stop him from pushing Zim aside and walking into the room.

((_As you faded away…_))  
((_At the end of my day, I found out…_))

Spread out on the table, Mary-Anne's body had been reduced to a gruesome shell. Metal ribs and bone gleamed out of the flayed flaps of tissue pinned back to display how thoroughly the carcass had been stripped of organs and internal mechanisms. Zim had placed them all in trays lined up neatly across the back counter, a glistening display of viscera for him to enjoy.

((_You weren't worth what I thought of you…_))

The shock, the horror… the _relief_… It was too much for Dib in his over stressed state. The laughter came out of him in great, heaving surges. He laughed and laughed and laughed until tears poured down his face in salty waves.

((_But this isn't love…_))

At first taken aback by the human's behavior, Zim quickly joined his foe in laughing madly at the carnage before them.

((_So forever let it go… Forever let it burn…_))

Still howling like a manic, Dib reached into his trench coat and wrapped his hand around the sawed-off wooden stock resting snugly at his side.

((_This isn't love! There on the backend of forever, _))_  
_((_ I wish I would never hurt again!_))

Spinning gracefully on the ball of his foot, Dib leveled the shot-gun at Zim and calmly pulled the trigger.

The blast caught Zim square in the chest, sending him staggering backwards. A second shot tore away the right side of his face, splattering chunks of blue-violet stuff over the wall behind him. Zim went crashing to the ground in a twitching heap.

Dib walked over to the body, grinning a skull-faced grin as he leaned down to inspect the damage. It fell a little as he took a close look at exploded face staring up at him from the pooled body fluids.

After all, Dib wasn't the only one who could make a lifelike android.

_--- 3. Al The Killer_

A scream of inhumanly crazed rage rented the silence. In the room behind Dib, there was a heavy pounding against the steel doors of the freezer. Behind the door, he thought he could hear an ungodly clucking. Jerky, shuffling shadows twisted down the wall towards him.

((_At birth given scars along tender heart liberties…_))

Dib straightened up quickly and retreated back into the autopsy room, locking the door. He stumbled backwards into the table, squishing a hand into the mass of pulped tissue, then slide around it to put his back to the tray laden counter. Sure he had his back to the wall, but at least Dib was sure nothing could attack him from behind now…

He thought wrong.

((_Injustice for awkward living situated casualties…_))

Slimy intestines roped around his neck and arms, squeezing tightly to drive out his breath. Dib struggled against this vile noose, upsetting a large flask as he grabbed for the bone-saw left carelessly nearby. Fingers closing around the saw, Dib slashed the intestines away in wild jerks, splattering gooey pieces all over the room.

Satisfied that the threat was neutralized, he happened to look down at the contents of the flask oozing into a glowing neon-green puddle across the floor tiles.

((_They lay dead along your floor…_))

"Reagent?" Dib muttered dumbly, then it all dawn on him. Setting this trap in a hospital, the alliance with Gaz, the reports about missing bodies…

Behind him, the freezer door clanged open.

((_Careful not to wake them. They're sleeping…_))

The first freezer-zombie fell as its head erupted in a shower of bone and pulp. Dib cocked his gun and took down the next zombie with two shots to the legs. It was still going, dragging itself forward by it's jagged nails. A flock of re-animated turkeys bounded over it's back.

((_In the morrow's good mourning…_))

"Hey Gaz," he groused, blasting away at the turkeys of the damned. "Let me show you this neat trick Uncle Herbert showed me last Thanksgiving…"

((_The dying will discard the wish to live_.))

Satisfied that the last of the accursed fowl, plus the kneecap-less zombie, were down permanently, Dib turned his attention to his sole way out.

((_LET THIS COLONY KNOW, IN THE NAME OF THE DEAD, WE'RE COMING!_))

Shooting his way through the zombies massed around the door, Dib made a wild dash down the hall. His goal was to escape out the side entrance he'd come in through, then get reinforcements to deal with both the zombies and Zim.

((_Dance upon the graves of the dead, upon the graves of the dead!_))

Unfortunately, somebody must've tipped the zombies off because Dib quickly found that path overrun with heaps upon heaps of the vile undead. As spent shells and carnage piled up around him, it become clear to Dib that retreating would be his best option right then. Given the considerable amounts of ammo he had to fire just to backtrack to the relative safety of a broom closet, any reasonable person would have thought that our big-head boy had a shot-gun that never reloading.

((_You'll get nothing for something…_))

"Okay, got to think! Think Dib, THINK!" he panted aloud as the zombies clawed and thumped against the flimsy plywood barrier. "You've got to get out of here, but there's too many undead on the ground floor to keep gunning down till I make it to the side door. And it will probably be the same for every other door out. So how can I escape?!"

An idea struck him. "Of course! All the zombies are concentrated on the ground floor! That must mean that the higher levels are clear!"

((_Arise the hidden war of the dead!_))

Dib blew a gap through the zombie horde and took off at a dead sprint for the closest staircase. His feet barely touched the steps as he bolted upward. Soon he'd be free of this nightmare building and be able to get enough firepower to turn St. Dismas into a smolder crater, along with Zim's filthy alien hide.

((_Beneath the surface, sealed by the floors_…))

"Aiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeee!!"

The very second he pushed the second-floor doors open, a fresh wave of zombies surge forward. In rapid-fire panic, Dib blasted and beat back the zombies. Once he had cleared a space wide enough, he took a running leap toward the nearest window and…

((_Boarded up!_))

…slammed headlong into a force-field.

Dazed by the blow, Dib wasn't prepared for the zombies to pounce upon him.

((_Seal the lips of your voice with haste…_))  
((_And cower at the sounds they make._))

Screaming, Dib was dragged down under the sheer weight as the zombies clawed and tore at his body. Soon he was submerged in a foul, shrieking mound of reanimated death and taloned doom.

((_Surprise speed and malice…_))  
((_The opposing break the surface, hold ready!_))

The zombie pile erupted suddenly in a burst of shredded fleshiness with Dib roaring like a crazed bear. In a blind dance of manic rage, he cleaved gleefully into the undead hordes as they gushed toward him in rotting torrents.

((_When kill her, I'll have her!_))  
((_Dance upon the graves of the dead! Upon your name!_))

Laughing like the madman he truly was, Dib ripped a path of slaughter up the hallway as he headed for the next staircase up. On the next floor, he repeated his merry butchery and went up to the next floor, and the next…

Soon, he was literally wading up to his thighs in dismembered corpses. But that didn't stop his need for more carnage…

((_Die, white girls! Die white girls!_))  
((_Dance upon the graves of the dead! Upon the graves of the dead!_))

The zombies, now reduced to a pathetic group that included one reanimated road-kill possum and a cyborg gopher, continued to throw themselves at Dib oblivious to his wild rampaging that brought total destruction to them.

Soon, it was down to just Dib and one rather sorry looking zombie salesman. Grinning that death-head smile, the completely insane boy reduced his last undead foe to a slimy puree of human remains.

((_Will the killing veil Love should the heroes play dumb?_))

Dib panted raggedly, breathing in the stink of utter carnage as he surveyed his handiwork.

((_But the killings no fun when the heroes are numb…_))

Standing amid the heaps of massacre and slaughtered meat like a blood-spattered hellspawn, one thought, one _face_ played over and over again in his blood-crazed mind. It pounded cancerously through his veins, chewing and tearing away at very last of his sanity.

((_Bye-bye, world! Bye-bye world!_))

Throwing his head back, Dib let rent a cry that came ripping out of his soul in torrent of hatred, fury, and malice so powerful that it rocked the foundations of over twelve city-blocks.

"**ZIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**"


	8. In A Gadda Da Vida, Baby

This is the end, beautiful friend, THE END. ¼ Okay, so it's not exactly the end, considering there's an epilogue in the works, but still, the main action shall be done. Probably gonna be short, too, since it's just an excuse for a climatic fight scene. And yes, annoying as some may find it, I will continue slapping on lyrics. Think of it as a lazy way to establish mood. But before we get to the fic-age, let's recap the body count so far:

Dib- **_crazy _**& trapped in a hospital full of Zombies! Zim -Hiding somewhere in St. Dismas?  
Gaz - ? (Presumably killed by Zim) Mary-Anne - Vivisected by Zim (HUZZAH!)  
Zombies - Massacred/dismembered by Dib Prof. Membrane - Hasn't appeared...Yet.

_Songs to Annoy You With:_

_In-a-gadda-da-vida _(Iron Butterfly), _Always _(Saliva)

_**Chapter 8: **In-a-gadda-da-vida, Baby… (The Revised Version!)_

_(( I hear a voice…))_

"**_ZIM!_**"

_((It's telling me all of those things that you were trying to hide…))_

The roar crashed down hallways and through doors, trampling sparks up wires in the hundreds of camera pods hidden throughout the building. It reverberated in the speakers with a electrified hornet-nest buzz. Static bands rippled across the screen bank.

_(( Am I your one and only desire? )) _

"Ha…" Sitting back in his chair giddy with victory, the alien turned the volume up to very maximum and still nearly drowned out the sound with his laughter. Zim didn't really think of himself as sadistic. After all, a callous disregard for the lives of others and delighting in all forms of torture was quite advantageous to an Invader. Besides, creating senseless carnage was one thing Zim excelled at. He took the greatest pride in wreaking ruin and misery among the enemies of the Empire. But the chance to see Dib suffer so much before he died was far more…_satisfying_.

_((Am I the reason you breathe?))_

The speakers, pushed above and beyond their limits, blew in a series of discordant pops. But the screens held out and, listening to the faint echo, Zim continued to laugh madly. When the human had finally stopped and collapsed to the bloody floor, Zim quit laughing. He leaned closer, staring hard at the huddled up blob onscreen. It shuddered as if the human was quietly sobbing.

_((Or am I the reason you cry?))_

Zim's smile crumpled into an annoyed frown. Had Dib given up already? Surely he didn't think that killing the **_girl_** and hurling a few zombies around was the worst that Zim could do?

_((I can't get around you…))_

Feeling downright insulted by the very thought, he zoomed in until the whole screen bank was filled with the image and studied the shaking human closely. Zim watched in frustration as Dib continued to tremble, head cradled in his hands. Growling, he zoomed in even closer and closer and closer, until all he could see was the fingers curling reddened lines over his face as they knotted up in the coarse black hair.

_((I breathe you…))  
((I taste you…))_

Suddenly, Dib jerked his head up to stare straight into the camera. Aside from a fine misting of blood, his face was a white mask twisted up in a crazed expression of glee. Over a tooth-baring smile that slashed jaggedly from ear to ear, empty amber pinpricks gazed out from behind grimy scratched lens.

_((I just can't take anymore…))_

The scene exploded in a blue-white flash that sent Zim reeling onto the floor. Barely a millisecond later all the screens shattered in a spray of glass and sparks, impaling the seat he'd just been sitting in with razor-sharp shards. He barely had time to regain his senses when the alarms went off.

_((I'm guessing I'm out of my head…))_

Looking at the elevator across the room, Zim shrieked angrily when he saw that Dib had somehow gotten it back online and was riding straight up the top floor- and now his makeshift command center. With a series of select curses, he pounded away at the modified security desk and soon managed to hit the 'Purge Elevators' button. He laughed wildly, watching the red numbers flash frantically backwards as the screaming metal death-box plunged into a twelve-story drop. When he heard the boom of the elevator crashing at the very bottom of the shaft, Zim let out a sigh and took a brief moment to mourn the fact that he never got to face Dib xeno-on-mano. Then he heard the banging.

_(( I feel…))  
((…like you don't want me around))_

Glancing up, he watched gaping as the elevator doors started bending out like a shiny metal balloon before they burst and flew across the room in a flaming panel of shrapnel. It was by another stroke of luck that the jagged fire-spray just missed incinerating the stunned Irken by mere nanometers.

_((It's all been bottled up until now… ))_

Surrounded by a white-hot halo of fiery doom, Dib glided into the now burning room. He raised a hand and aimed it toward Zim, all the while smiling death. The blast took out much of the security desk in a arching lightning bolt, leaving behind a smoldering pile of melted plastic and metal. But unknown to the human, his enemy had a plan B.

_(( As I walk through your door,))  
(( All I can hear is the sound…))_

After ducking out of the way of the energy blast, Zim leveled a mini-laser cannon at Dib and fires. He didn't wait to see if the shot had killed the human or not as he fled toward the stairs. Right as he hit the door, Zim felt his body get swept up off the ground and flung violently into the ceiling, then dropped to the floor.

_(( I left my hand around your heart…))_

Charging through a curtain of flame like a crazed bull-moose, Dib lunges and rams his cyber-claws right where Zim would've been laying it he hadn't rolled quickly aside. The alien hops back up and nails Dib with another cannon shot, but it only makes his enemy _mad_. With a snarl and a swipe of claws, the cannon is reduced to scrap with a grip. Flinging it into his face, Zim takes advantage of the distraction to bolt up the stairs with one seriously pissed off psycho thundering at his heels. He barely has time to reach into his PAK before Dib bum-rushes him.

_(( Why did you tear my world apart!))_

Dib's smile vanishes in a grunt as Zim drives a set of 4-inch knuckle spikes into his stomach. With a mad grin, Zim twists his wrist to push them in deeper. "Does it **_hurt_**, Dib?"

_((Always…))_

"Or are you just surprised? I know your sister was…" Laughing, Zim jerks the spikes out and takes a step back.

Dib staggers, hacking up blood as he clutches the gaping wound in his belly.

_(( I see the blood all over your hands…))_

"What's the matter?" hisses the alien, casually beckoning with a bloodied hand. "Don't tell me you're going to let a few tiny holes stop you, the mighty Dib! Come on! Kill me!"

_((Does it make you feel more like a man?))_

Reeling, Dib stumbles forward until his leaning up against Zim for support. He reaches up slowly, gory slicked fingers stroking up Zim's face. "You're so cold," comes the raspy whisper. "But you feel alive…"

_(( Was it all just part of you plan? ))_

"Eh?" Zim stares at the human in confusion. It fades to a funny sort of warmth as Dib takes hold of his hand and puts his cheek in the gloved palm. There's a faint grin on his ashen face.

_(( The knife shaking in my hand…))_

"Lay your hands on me," Dib purrs now, resting his head on Zim's shoulder. He leans in closer, till his lips are barely touching the green skin. "One last time…"

_((And all I can hear is the sound… )) _

Zim screams in stunned pain as Dib gouges his eye out, flinging the human to the tar-paper below. Howling in rage, he jumps on top of the human and rears back to slam the spikes through his face.

_((I love you… I hate you…))_

Dib catches hold of his wrist and, yanking it upward, rolls the alien onto his back, pinning him. Then he starts slugging Zim in the face and chest with his free hand. Slamming a knee up into Dib's groin, Zim knocks him and gets back on his feet quickly. Not giving his fallen foe a chance, he begins kicking and stomping Dib. Finally, he ends up punting the human into an air-vent.

_((Can't live without you…))_

As he lays there gasping in ragged sucks of air, Dib can only watch as Zim stalks toward him. Knowing that it's the end yet still charged with defiance, he grins up at the alien and flips him the bird. "Fuck you, Zim."

_(( I just can't take this life of solitude…))_

There is no expression on Zim's face as he reaches back. In a flash of blood and pain, it's over.

_((And now I'm done with you…))  
_


	9. Epilogue: Filling The Empty Spaces

_**Epilogue:**_ _Filling the_ _Empty Spaces..._

"How's he doing today?"

"The same as yesterday, sir."

Professor Membrane let out a weary sigh.

Every day for the past five months, he would walk into the emergency medical ward of the sprawling Membrane Lab complex. Every day for the past five months, he'd turn to the assistant/nurse on-duty and ask about his poor, insane, comatose son. And every day for the past five months, it was the same answer.

"No change…" he muttered, turning to stare at the observation window. Buried in the middle of heart-monitors, I.V. drips, tubes, bandages, sensors, and wires lay the torn remains of his son's body.

He could hardly fathom how it happened, and so quickly too! The house cameras had recorded both Dib and Gaz leaving the house early that horrible afternoon five months ago, no doubt to engage in whatever hip thing that the youngster did these days.

Nor was he too surprised to find the house empty when he came back home that night. The only thing out of place was the phone dangling off the hook, but the professor just talked it up to a youthful disregard and put it back on the hook, making a mental note to remind the kids not to be so forgetful.

He had barely settled into his easy-chair for a nice, relaxing review of the latest edition of Quantum Physics Weekly when the phone-call came.

The world had become a blur of sirens wailing and flashing lights as he rode in the ambulance alongside the E.M.T.'s working at a maddening pace to keep that slashed-up heap which was his son alive.

"What could have done this to him?!" asked a stunned colleague as they rushed into the emergency ward.

A broken spine. Massive internal hemorrhaging. Punctured spleen, liver, lungs, and heart. Tears in several major arteries. One eye carved out and half his face gone with it. Even after over 28 hours straight in surgery to stabilize the boy, the prognosis was grim…

They said it was madness to keep the boy alive like this. They said he should let him die with some dignity. They said the boy was aware of the state his body was in that he wouldn't _want _to go on like this… They said there was no hope even if the boy did recover…

Well, he'd prove those _fools_ wrong…

Stepping over to the intercom, Membrane pushed the call button. "Simmons, is everything ready?"

"Yes, sir." chirped his every faithful secretary.

"Excellent! I'll be there in a moment." He took one last glance at his poor, poor son. Oh, how he would prove those _fools_ wrong, even at the cost of his only son's life…


End file.
